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“Off the record” (Akashic readings)

blank-book

Akashic Records are said to contain data on everything that has ever happened, is  happening, or ever will happen. I had always called that the NSA.

But the Record goes even further that what domestic spies can do. They contain a complete compilation of every emotion, thought, and biological process of every creature at every point in time. If needing to know the third-to-last thing the final dodo ate or how many second cousins the MVP of Super Bowl 800 will have, these Records are for you.

Proponents claim the concept dates to before the advent of time. If appealing to antiquity, might as well go all the way. But a more accurate timescale pegs 19th Century Theosophy as the starting point. This religion/philosophy sought to determine the nature of divinity and the origin and purpose of the universe. It believed hidden ancient knowledge would reveal the way to enlightenment and immortality. The Akashic Records were said to be where this sacred information resided.

Believers say the records were accessed by ancient cultures, though only the cool ones: Babylonians, Druids, Egyptians, Greeks, Mayans, Persians, and Tibetans. Contradicting these claims are a complete lack of reference to the Akashic records in any writings or archeological remains of these peoples.

It would be easy to test someone who claims to be accessing a repository of infinite knowledge. Researchers could isolate the subject, then gather verifiable information that few would know, such as the name of the Belgian foreign minister in 1930. Ask 10 such questions and a perfect score from anyone other than Ken Jennings would be evidence that the record is being accessed.

As it is, however, those claiming to be looking through this cosmic microfilm give contradictory information. Psychics Edgar Cayce, Alice Bailey, Charles Leadbeater, Levi Downing, and Rudolf Steiner all cited this infallible source but gave different conclusions as to what they were seeing. Some of the more distinctive claims were Leadbetter’s insistence that he saw the history of Atlantis and the above-water continents through the 29th Century. And Dowling was given insight into the life of a teenage Jesus, which would make for a great program on Fox.

Those persons are all deceased now and presumably busy dropping by séances and haunted houses. But there are many modern proponents left, including those at the Center for Akashic Studies. Its website tells us, “The Akashic Record is a dimension of consciousness that contains a vibrational record of every soul and its journey. It is completely available everywhere. Individual minds do not need to direct this light. Infinite wisdom of light goes where it is needed and received to fulfill its function.” Cost is $500, which seems rather steep for Records described as easily accessible and ubiquitous.

There are different ways of accessing one’s Akashic Record. Depending on the source, the portal may be any one of these: The pineal gland, Osiris, the Orion Nebula, yoga, astral projection, prayer, vibrations, trances, or removing fluoride from your water. The common thread is that the second part of these techniques is paying someone who insists their product is easy for anyone to access. They take credit cards, but ask for the number instead of getting it from the Akashic Record.

Someone calling herself Akemi G wrote, “Accessing Akashic Records is not difficult. It is not a privilege allowed only to a handful of people. And there are many ways to access.” But the best, Akemi assures us, is through her book. As I’m behind on my reading and not yet halfway through Anna Karenina, I pursued another option.

So I moved onto akashictransformations.net. Here I learned, “Everyone can access information from the Akashic Records at any time, and indeed we do! The flashes of intuition and knowing hunches that occur every day are glimpses into the divine wisdom contained in the Akashic Records.”

So we access them inadvertently. But let’s say one is hoping to do it advertently. There’s a word you don’t see it its positive form very often. I suppose it was evitable that I would do that. At any rate, let’s see if I can delve into the Records and have it reveal that Belgian foreign minister’s name. The options for opening the Records to my consciousness include yoga, prayer, and meditation.

The first choice is out. I was never terribly limber, and my aging body would have trouble assuming any yogic position, and almost certainly would be unable of getting out of it.

For prayer, I tried some homages to Thor. But all I could envision was thunder, hammers, and the Chris Hemsworth movie that’s been in my DVR for 10 weeks because I can never wrestle the TV from my kids long enough to watch it. Thinking about that got me all riled, which was surely being noted in my Record, but was getting me no closer to finding that name.  

Next up was meditation. This is probably the last technique I would have tried because I like my water fluoridated. After omming and humming for a while, the name Terrance Schmidt came to me.

That was a whiff. Turned out it was Emile Vandervelde, which I learned from a Google search. Think I’ll stick with that source. It’s quicker than the Akashic record, more accurate, and isn’t $500 per session.

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“Bill kill” (Clinton conspiracy)

quiet

Jill Stein is afforded no Secret Service protection, leaving her extremely vulnerable. Not from a modern-day Booth or Oswald. Nor even from John Hinckley, as assassinating someone who is polling a distant fourth would impress no one.

But there is a slim chance Stein could become this year’s Ralph Nader, garnering enough far-left votes in a swing state to defeat the Democratic candidate. This year, that candidate is Hillary Clinton, who with her husband, controls the most efficient killing machines since Kevorkian. At least according to ever-growing number of Internet lists containing supposed enemies or inconveniences the Clintons have had taken care of.

Unlike most conspiracy theories of the Cyber Age, this one has a known starting point: The demented mind of Linda Thompson. In the course of investigating the ATF raid on the Branch Davidian compound, Thompson found 24 persons who she suspected Bill Clinton of having offed.

She wrote every member of Congress with her suspicions, and while none responded, she did gain an ally in former Rep. William Dannemeyer. With his influence, Thompson’s list went from obscurity to something that was at least indirectly endorsed by Jerry Falwell. The number of persons forwarding the list went from dozens to thousands. Dannemeyer called for Congressional hearings, which were not held, thereby providing theorists with more proof of a cover-up.

The list expanded to 34 victims before Thompson died of an overdose of prescription pills, which were presumably force fed to her by Janet Reno. Thompson left behind a list void of any sources or references and which periodically veered into rants about black helicopters and FEMA camps.

The most well-known name on the list is Vince Foster, whose death resulted in five independent investigations affirming it was a suicide. Among Thompson’s unsubstantiated assertions were that the Clintons ordered Foster’s death to be only investigated by park rangers and that the gun and suicide note were both planted on him after he died.

The other prominent figure included is Ron Brown, who died in a plane crash. In one way, Brown’s inclusion is inconsistent, as Clinton’s secretary of commerce dying would be of no benefit to him. At the same time, it is consistent with a list built on wild speculation and making no attempt to present any evidence. Believers assert the deaths benefited Clintons in some way and let it be assumed they ordered the hits.

The names on these various lists have ballooned to nearly 100, with very few of the deaths suspicious. They are heart attacks, suicides, airplane crashes, and automobile accidents. These persons allegedly were causing the Clintons varying levels of discomfort, which almost always turns out to be untrue. But even if true, it is a non sequitur to deduce that the Clintons had them killed. They could benefit from the deaths without being the cause of them.  

Percentagewise, the Clintons have had no more associates die than anyone else. Their rise to power necessitated that they have a much larger, ever changing circle of persons that came in and out of their lives. That leaves a very large pool of persons with potential to make it on the lists. And these lists include persons having only the most fleeting, irrelevant connection to the Clintons. In some cases, the lone tie is having worked for the government during Bill Clinton’s time as governor or president, or during Hillary Clinton’s tenure as senator or secretary of state.

Then there are the glaring omissions, in the form of a still-breathing Ken Starr, Monica Lewinsky, Linda Tripp, Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Kathleen Willey, and Rush Limbaugh.

There are many lists out there, but all have these distinctions:

  1. They include deceased persons with even the most ridiculously tenuous connection to the villainous Clintons. Cause of death or relationship to the accused is irrelevant. The important factor is to get the list as long as possible, both so the presidential perpetrators will seem more sociopathic, and because few persons beyond the Snopes gang are going to investigate the whole thing.
  2. They lean heavily on words like mysterious, suspicious, alleged, or unexplained. If an autopsy determines the cause of death to be a suicide, natural causes or an overdose, it is said to have been “ruled” that. This implies that a more sinister cause of death was dismissed by coroners on the Clinton payroll.
  3. They gloss over 99 percent of the published reports in order to highlight strange details that would have no bearing on the person’s demise. Snopes put it thusly: “If an obvious suicide is discovered wearing only one shoe, ignore the physical evidence of self-inflicted death and dwell on the missing shoe. You don’t have to establish an alternate theory of the death; just keep harping that the missing shoe can’t be explained.”

By following these guidelines, any unexplained death (or even explained ones) can automatically be attributed to the former and possibly future Presidents Clinton.

A trio of quick examples. James McDougal, the Clintons’ Whitewater partner, died in prison from a heart attack. These lists never explain what the point is supposed to be. There was nothing suspicious, there was no gain for the Clintons, and no evidence they were responsible for it.

Also, former White House intern Mary Mahoney was one of three persons murdered in a Starbucks during a robbery gone wrong. The accompanying claim is that she was going to testify about Bill Clinton sexually harassing White House workers. In truth, she was not going to testify and she is one of hundreds of former Clinton White House interns, almost all of whom are still alive.

Paul Tully’s death is on the list and is labeled suspicious and without an autopsy. In fact, there was an autopsy and it concluded that the cause was the not-at-all suspicious heart attack.

The overriding claim is that these lists are full of victims killed for exposing or hindering the Clintons. That persons are alive to circulate these lists makes the claim self-defeating.

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“Braking the mold” (Black mold hysteria)

blackmold

A quarter century ago, almost no one besides mycologists gave any thought to black mold, and even fewer persons were sickened by it. But a few panicked misreports turned black mold into the hot new toxin to fumigate, douse, and fret over. The Berlin Wall had come down and 9/11 was a seven years away, so something needed to be the threat to good order.

A corrected report was issued, which few in the media paid attention to. As skeptic leader Brian Dunning put it, the media seldom reports that a sensationalized story was wrong because it’s busy reporting other sensations.

The humdrum truth is that mold has always grown in our buildings and is no more a threat now than it was 500 years ago. But, with black mold having no PR department, the charges leveled at it have lingered. It doesn’t help that mold is unsightly and that definitions of “black” include sinister, gloomy, calamitous, and grim. So it was easy to make believers of scientifically illiterate viewers, especially when dramatic music accompanied an alarmed voice warning about the latest danger. And it was even easier than appealing to the fears of terrorism or crime because this threat was so close to home it was inside it.  

The reports were taken from what read like a collaboration between the Centers for Disease Control and Rob Zombie. This real-life horror tale centered on infants with pulmonary hemorrhaging. Specifically, 10 babies who lived in Cleveland homes with water damage contracted a bleeding lung disease in 1993, and this was attributed to spores from a black mold variety. As a point of order, mold breaks down organic material it lives on and reproduces through airborne spores. Any danger comes not from the mold itself, but from the released spores.

Not that there’s much cause for concern. A subsequent report revealed that the Attack of the Thing From Cleveland was overblown. Some of the babies had lung maladies, but not all of them, and other than that partial truth, everything else was wrong. For starters, there was no reason to suspect that black mold was responsible. Not all black mold produces mycotoxins, and mycotoxins can come from other than the black species. Second, the water damage was not associated with an increased level of mold and the homes contained only an average amount of it.

As flawed as the original report was, the purported dangers were limited to bleeding lungs in babies who had been exposed to excess amounts. But with the urban legend trifecta of bad reporting, repeated water cooler retellings, and unscrupulous merchants, black mold’s bad reputation grew faster than the mold itself had ever grown on living room walls. It was now responsible for chronic fatigue, insomnia, memory loss, Parkinson’s, cancer, birth defects, blindness, deafness, and organs going kaput. Gloomy, calamitous, and grim indeed.

In truth, few of the 100,000 species of mold are ever going to pose a danger, and even then, only to persons with asthma, allergies, or a compromised immune system. For most people, the afflictions will be limited to coughing and wheezing. We breathe spores all day, in all buildings, and without incident. If a mold species is in walls or carpet, it’s because spores in the area brought it there, and they will do it again. One could tear down the house, but that would be as ineffective in the long run as razing it in order to eradicate flies. Getting rid of the mold has little value beyond esthetics.

Still, some persons will pay $20,000 for crews in hilariously overdone hazmat gear to demolish, eradicate, sample, scrutinize, and rebuild. Homeowners could get rid of the black mold themselves with bleach and elbow grease. Either way, the effort will serve only to eliminate an almost-certainly harmless substance that will grow back.   

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“You really aren’t a heal” (Bogus healing)

alice

Pretend healers generally fall into one of three categories: the religious, those appealing to tradition, and those allegedly accessing cutting edge technology.

Oral Roberts employed faith healing while simultaneously raising funds for what would seem to be a superfluous hospital. It was a staple of revival tents, where the healers  could hightail it out of town before the long-term results were assessed. They are still regular features of Pentecostal congregations, where the lack of success is more obvious, but downplayed as being part of God’s will, which would seemingly make those appeals to deity unnecessary. Any seeming successes are highlighted in a ceaseless cycle of classical conditioning, magical thinking, communal reinforcement, and selective memory.

Faith healers made a smooth transition to the television era, as their shtick was a natural for this budding entertainment medium. But the Internet has been far less kind. Most YouTube videos on the subject are of healers being busted or having their tricks revealed. These exposés were more laborious in the old days since not anyone could just put a video product together. Still, there were successes. James Randi’s most public victory was his Tonight Show appearance when he exposed how Peter Popoff was using an earpiece and his accomplice wife to divinely determine the affliction of audience members. Popoff would declare them cured, telling them to throw away their hearing aid or assuring them that their bouts of internal bleeding were over.

While Popoff was a huckster, some faith healers genuinely believe in it, with terrifying results. Idaho is home to the Followers of Christ sect, whose members cruelly deny pain relief medication to their children and allow them to die in agony, all protected by the law.

The second category of pretend healers, the traditionalists, also have practices that can be deadly. This month, actress Xu Ting died from a cancer after using moxibustion and other Traditional Chinese Medicine in lieu of chemotherapy. The Beijing Evening News quoted a TCM proponent, who asked, “There are many cancer patients who still pass away after receiving chemotherapy. Does this mean it is also a sham?”

This is false equivalence, where a shared trait between two subjects is assumed to show they are equal. Here, the equivalence is false because chemotherapy has cured millions of cancer patients, moxibustion zero. Yes, it turns out that the burning of dried mugwort on a body does nothing to arrest rouge cell growth.

With moxibustion, mugwort is applied to corresponding meridians. As these are made up, they vary by practitioner. It would be like having a stethoscope placed on your chest, leg, or ear, depending on which physician you favor.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine and its offshoots, the overriding idea is that chi runs along meridians, which get clogged, resulting is illness and disease. The usual claim is that the procedures and techniques date to thousands of years ago, though most can only be traced to Mao, who didn’t believe in it, but who promoted it to foster Chinese nationalism.

With moxibustion, the purpose is to warm the meridian points. Moxibustion has various methods and accompanying levels of unnecessary pain. Some practitioners merely leave the warmed mugwort near the skin, some apply it for a short while, and others keep it on until blisters form. Practitioners calls these blisters “purulent moxa,” while mainstream medicine calls them second-degree burns. Like most alternative medicine, moxibustion is said to be effective for almost any illness or ailment, as opposed to a specific condition that genuine medicine treats. Skeptic leader Dr. Mark Crislip, while advising against moxibustion in general, has an especially strong admonition that it not be used as burn therapy.

Probably the best known pretend healer of olden times was Franz Mesmer, whose eponym is with us still today. He “mesmerized” women by convincing him he could use magnets to cure their blues, illnesses, and maladies. He later concluded he could get the same results just waving his hands, so the magnets were jettisoned for gesticulating phalanges.

Pretend healers today use both approaches. Sound therapy employs tuning forks, shamans ring copper bowls, and crystal healers have at their meridian-enhancing disposal a large collection of shiny doodads. These accoutrements can create a seemingly more authentic character, such as a bead-wearing Shaman or a Native American healer with feathers and drums.

By contrast, aura readers, chakra repairmen, and Reiki nurses have no products, which must really save on storage space. They feel they can cure without hands or instruments, and more importantly, have customers who believe it, too. And if only needing to get within 3 inches of someone, why not within 3,000 miles? Some of the more enterprising offer their healing online.

Meanwhile, the Internet is an obvious avenue for those using the third category of pretend healing, the cutting-edge variety. These folks also make use of the appeal to tradition’s lesser-known opposite fallacy, the appeal to novelty. This is when a product or idea is considered sound only because it is new. It’s easy to see how this notion could take hold. Imagine someone using a GPS when they hear on their Smartphone via satellite radio about the latest gizmo panacea. However, when the cure is announced in an advertisement or a YouTube video instead of in a peer-reviewed journal, it is almost certainly more science fiction than fact.

Examples include supposed medical products that claim to use vibrating sub-atomic particles, biofields, faster-than-warp tachyons, or a reengineering of neural pathways. This verbiage is meant to impress the listener, or at least befuddle them into not asking probing questions. Many times the seemingly cutting-edge words are just made up, while at other times they are misused.

From takoinic.com, here is a description of tachyon energy that veteran skeptics will see as little more than chi and meridians dressed up for the Cyber Age: “Tachyon energy is a life-force that exists infinitely throughout the universe. It is an organizing force field that diminishes chaos by increasing order and coherence in any system. These products restore and increase your energy and vitality. This encourages your body’s life support system and enhances the natural defense mechanisms to promote wellness.” As expected, anonymous anecdotes are used in lieu of double blind studies.

One cannot wonder too long in this field without encountering the word Quantum. From the One Mind, One Energy website: “Science, through Quantum Physics, is showing us that everything in our universe is energy. When we go down on a sub-atomic level we do not find matter, but pure energy. Some called this the unified field or the matrix.”

This website tries to piggyback on legitimate science by pointing out that Earth was once thought to be the center of the universe, but today we know it sits in an arm of the Milky Way, which itself is one of untold billions of galaxies. “Our frame of knowledge is constantly changing since science is showing us new truths. Our frame of knowledge has been changing as long as we have lived on this planet.”

This is all true, which cannot be said of the conclusion they reached, which is that the key to good health is to buying their music and its incorporated subliminal messages.

The website also puts emphasis on a literal mind over matter: “We need to believe that anything is possible. Cutting-edge research and experiments from leading scientists have shown that human intention can influence physical matter. Also, quantum (there’s that word again) experiments have revealed that our consciousness is part of creating the world we see around us. We all have this power.”

To combat the skeptical and credulous, the website employs the Galileo Gambit, a frequent ploy of the pseudoscientist: “Inventors throughout history have had a hard time being accepted and believed by their fellow man when they invented something new.” This is also another manifestation of the false equivalency fallacy. Like Tesla and Galileo, this website had its ideas ridiculed. Unlike Tesla and Galileo, One Mind One Energy has yet to be vindicated through its enhancement of Mankind.

And while the futuristic healers’ body count is much lower than their faith and chi-based counterparts, there have been fatalities. Mary Lynch and Debra Harrison were convinced that disease is caused by extraneous energy being trapped between cells. Lynch was a retired physician who and claimed to be taking medicine to the next level in something she called Consegrity. The idea was to heal by releasing this trapped energy.  Lynch and Harrison were their own guinea pigs and they succumbed to untreated diabetes and a toe infection, respectively.

If desiring a closer walk with Jesus, an adjusted aura, or communion with a higher plain, by all means, seek out Old Time Religion, the New Age, or Novelty Newbies. But if needing to mend a fractured leg, halt a bacterial infection, or close a spurting artery, please go to the hospital. Preferably not the Oral Roberts one.

 

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“Vibrating dread” (Vibrational therapy)

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The world would be a worse place without color, light, and sound. But it would be better off without a therapy that uses these phenomena instead of medicine to treat disease and illness.

This describes vibrational therapy, which is a form of vitalism. This is the metaphysical belief that organisms possess an inner spirit that bestows the gift of life.

Vibrational therapy goes by many names, as different regions attempt to put their cultural spin on it, but is usually known as energy medicine in the United States. By whatever name, it is based on the assumption that health is determined by the flow or blocking of an unproven energy that runs through meridians, chakras, or reflex zones, none of which have been shown to exist. When the energy stops flowing, vibrational medics apply their crystallized Drano.

As energyandvibation.com tries to explain it, “All matter vibrates to a precise frequency and by using resonant vibration, balance of matter can be restored. Trauma and disease often results in states of either no movement or constant movement. Vibrational Energy Medicine therapies mirror trauma and disease to the system so that it can self-correct.” Light, color, sound, stones, crystals, and even geometry are all supposed methods for accessing and altering this vibration.

The field makes generous use of the appeal to tradition fallacy. The aforementioned website claims crystal medicine has its roots in dynastic Egypt and hints that Jesus used it too, though it fails to specify which gem helped him walk on water. If your incredulity meter has yet to peak, they also ponder that the field has its roots in Atlantis. However ancient or fictitious the place of its birth, this has no bearing on whether it works. And vitalism should have ended with the advent of Germ Theory, antibiotics, and vaccines. Sadly, the idea that our health is contingent on the manipulation of an imaginary energy traveling through undetectable portals remains. There are many who think that stones, crystals, tuning forks, crystal bowls, and infused water will aid in their wellbeing.

Seeming successes are due the fluctuating nature of illnesses, post hoc reasoning, and communal reinforcement. Failures are not considered such, but rather reasons to continue searching for the right frequency and proper gem/crystal/sound/light/color to treat the condition. Since the auras, chakras, and soul stars are only visible to the practitioner, you have to take their enlightened word. There is no equivalent of X-rays or blood pressure cuffs in this field.  

Not only is no scientific instrument able to detect this energy, no practitioner has explained what type of energy it is, how it is accessed or controlled, and how it benefits the recipient. We are only assured that balance is met and the proper frequency is communicated, again without an explanation of what that means or why it matters.

Some proponents claim that each gem (or other conduit) has a specific healing property, which nature will lead you to, or more accurately to the New Age medic who sells it. Doing this enables them to do a nifty two-step around the notion of subjecting the claim to a double blind study. They can argue that each person responds differently, so the study would be invalid.

Dr. Steven Novella brilliantly noted that alternative medics use science like a drunk uses a lamppost: For support, not illumination. Accordingly, some vibrational medicine practitioners are fond of noting that the sun provides energy, which leads to a chemical reaction that coverts some of that energy to Vitamin D. This is true. But vibrational medicine further asserts that this change is caused by vibrations and therefore falls under their umbrella. There may be vibrations in the skin and photons during the process, but that’s incidental and is not the sources of the benefit.

Lisa Simpson bemoaned that a wealthy school’s periodic table had 250 elements while Springfield Elementary and the rest of us are stuck at 118. Even more shortchanged are vibrational medics, who lay claim to only four, none of which are actually elements. Again, from energyandvibation.com: “Our world is comprised four basic elements. These are air, earth, fire, and water. Understanding what each element represents helps us evaluate where our individual strengths and weaknesses are. Healers have found that focusing on the elements and the vibrational energies associated with each of them is helpful when determining treatments.”

Failing to understand what an element is would seemingly be enough to repel mainstream science, and overwhelmingly, it does. But most pseudosciences have at least one iconoclastic mainstream proponent who jumps on their alternative bandwagon. Jason Lisle wastes his astronomy doctorate promoting the Institute for Creation Research. After earning his Ph.D. in anthropology, Jeffrey Meldrum has spent 20 years chasing Bigfoot. Yale’s Dr. David Katz spends his time and his school’s money championing homeopathy.

For vibrational medicine, we have Dr. Richard Gerber. His possession of a legitimate medical degree fails to preclude him from making this pronouncement: “Only by viewing the body as a multi-dimensional energy system can we begin to approach how the soul manifests through molecular biology. That comes down to the whole issue of reincarnation and karma. There are various people doing past life regression work who are beginning to envision the soul’s progress through life, and illness as an expression of obstacles the soul is trying to overcome.”

Gerber offered no mechanism on how this is accomplished, so I was most interested in the energyandvibration section labeled, “How does vibrational energy medicine work?”

To avoid keeping you in suspense, I’ll tell you that the answer never comes. It begins by taking a swipe at mainstream medicine for treating the symptom but not the cause of an illness. This is a typical alt-med ploy and is incorrect. Beyond treating the symptom, a doctor will also consider the whole person when planning a treatment program by taking into account genetics, habits, and health history. Alt-med will vaguely claim to be treating the persons’ spirits and emotions, never explaining what this means, how they do it, or how it works.

In a second evasion of their own question, the website tells us, “Rather than treat the heart directly if there is a heart problem, a vibrational energy medicine practitioner will instead work with the energy systems of the heart.” I do appreciate the assurance that vibrational medics will not be conducting open heart surgery with amethyst crystals. Instead, they will “work with the heart chakra, the heart reflex zone on the feet or hands, the emotional layer of the energy field, and the air element in Polarity Therapy.”

The closest they ever come to trying to answer the question they raised is when they employ this piece of false equivalence: “When the C string of a harp is struck, all the C strings of all other harps nearby begin to vibrate. The C strings are in resonance with one another. The different parts of our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual being also resonate to various frequencies of vibration.” This is as mistaken as saying that harps, like humans, can benefit from a balanced diet.

At healingcrystals.com, I was given a crystal assessment and was advised to “Be open and honest during communications.” I’d like to think this post has accomplished that.

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“Scotland Yarn” (Loch Ness Monster)

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One can deny the existence of the Loch Ness Monster but not his staying power. There have been reports about a beast inhabiting the loch for 1,500 years. He was a more terrifying beast in earlier incarnations, consistent with the heyday of sea monsters. The modern era began in 1934 with the publication of his most iconic image and he’s stayed relevant in cryptozoological circles ever since.

Nessie was in the news again this month with a viral photo that could be generously be interpreted as its head, followed by two humps. Looking at it closely, it was pretty obvious the lead image was of a seal, and it can reasonably be assumed the two humps were his fellow cavorting pinnipeds. Most observers went the seal trio theory, though I did spot one online poster who insisted Nessie was real and being hidden by the government. The poster offered no details on how the government was doing this, how he knew it, or why Her Majesty’s animal control division had let Nessie out for this daytime frolic.

Whereas most crypto critters are bloodthirsty or at least induce fear, the Loch Ness Monster seems safe. There are no bloodcurdling wails or ferocious fangs associated with it. Drawings of the beast frequently depict it in smiling cartoon form and a snaking replica of him near Loch Ness is there for children’s climbing amusement. There is no equivalent of that for the Florida Skunk Ape or Chupacabra.

Whether the most recent photo was of Nessie or his potential snacks, such images have notably become less frequent in the era of ubiquitous cell phone cameras. Despite nearly 100,000 visitors per year and webcams focused on the loch, we have yet to be presented with a clear photo of the beast. Additionally, the BBC aimed 600 sonar beams through every meter of Loch Ness and came up empty. The same cannot be said for some people’s desire to believe something significant is there.

The reason for Nessie’s continued hold on the public is largely due to his alleged home. Sasquatch is reported to be anywhere from Alaska to Alabama and Yeti resides 25,000 feet up, abominable indeed. By contrast, seeking out Nessie is much easier. There’s no danger of getting lost in the woods or of oxygen deprivation. And if one fails to find him, at least a nice lakeside picnic was had.

So tourists continue to flock to Loch Ness, where sightings are driven by expectation, pareidolia, and communal reinforcement. Accounts are embellished by repeated retellings and even what is said to or asked of the eyewitness can become woven into future narratives. Eyewitnesses also are subject to errors in guessing the size of distant floating objects. Put all this together and an overturned log or ripple in the water becomes a living fossil.

The best proof, of course, would be the capture of a live creature. Also very strong evidence would be carcass or skeleton. There have been an untold number of sightings and plenty of photographs, but no amount of weak evidence can be combined to equal one strong piece.

The most well-known photo was revealed 60 years later to by a hoax involving a toy serpent’s head affixed to a toy submarine. Other photos are invariably dark and grainy, often indistinguishable from the water or floating debris. It might be an elusive sea serpent, or a log, shadow, wave, or vegetation.  

Among believers, Nessie is most often suspected of being a plesiosaur, but that animal’s anatomy was suited so that only its head could surface for air, not its entire neck for graceful, elegant positioning. A few have suggested an oversized fish, but a breeding population would require a diet of hundreds of times of what the loch houses.

Marine biologists have concluded that 10 is the minimum number that would be needed to sustain the Monster population. Yet for all the technology and submarines deployed to find one, along with 24/7 webcams and a ceaseless stream of visitors trying to do the same, there is nary a carcass, nor even a bone. For that matter, not even an up-close, in-focus photo clearly showing the Monster’s features. When one considers how often whales and dolphins are spotted in much larger bodies of water and in much lower population densities, it’s easy to see the extreme unlikelihood of Nessie’s existence.

Many of the sightings are likely the result of logs being thrust above the surface. This is especially prone to happen because of seiches, which are waves in an enclosed body of water. Imagine getting out of the bathtub and the resultant waves that flow back and forth. This can happen in a lake, with various physical phenomenon replacing a freshly-washed body standing up.

While lakes have a tranquil look, there are waves below the surface. In springtime, the warming temperatures cause the lake surface to heat up, while the wind churns the water to distribute the heat down to about 60 feet. So there is a warm upper layer and a cool bottom layer, somewhat analogous to oil and water.  When this circumstance is combined with a wind stoppage, it’s as if a giant got out the lake. The upper layer water begins to flow, relieving the pressure on the lower level, which begins to flow in the opposite direction. This can have the effect of dislodging logs and vegetation and shooting them to the surface. This is most likely to occur in lakes that are long, narrow, and deep, and which experience strong winters and have winds that run the length but not breadth of the lake. All of this applies to Loch Ness. So most sightings are either of logs being displaced or of Nessie finishing his bath.

 

 

 

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“Sappy Sappy Joy Joy” (Aluna Joy Yaxkin)

journey

Aluna Joy Yaxkin is a self-described “Earth Oracle and Star Messenger” who offers a variety of services and products to those seeking to also become conduit priestesses and cosmic deliverymen.

Some of them I could go for. There are trips to ruins of Mayan, Incan, Celtic, Druid, and Egyptian peoples. I love travel and like history, so I would enjoy these excursions even if I’m not looking to “awaken the cosmic universal heart” or “anchor and embody the new codes of creation” that these sojourns promise.   

I was most intrigued by the advertised journeys to Atlantis, but learned that they were currently unavailable, as they occur only “as the Spirt directs.”

That leaves us with trips to sacred spots in Greece, Egypt, Wales, Peru, and even Honduras, which is usually not accorded the exotic status bestowed on the other locales. On these spiritual quests, one doesn’t just get to stand in the shadow of the Sphinx, Stonehenge, or Machu Picchu. Travelers will also “resonate with the messages Aluna Joy recovered.” If that fails to excite you, all these sites sell T-shirts.

Here’s what else Aluna Joy says you can expect: “Transcendent experiences are difficult and almost impossible to describe because they are experienced from the Great Mystery of the Universal Heart.” In other words: To those who know, no explanation is necessary; to those who don’t know, no explanation is possible. This allows her to get away with never describing what is happening, what is causing it, why it is beneficial, or why one should pay to attain it. It is also a form of ad hominem since skepticism is dismissed solely because it came from a skeptic.

Aluna Joy goes onto explain, “There is no way to predict when magic will land where we are. We just have to put ourselves out there and keep our eyes open and feel blessed when we see receive gifts from spirit.” But where they land are places considered sacred by New Agers, as there are no pilgrimages to Toledo or Tulsa. Rather, they are to mountaintops, beaches, and ancient shrines, where conditioning, expectation, and communal reinforcement are more likely to lead to a feeling that something spiritual has happened.

Aluna Joy also offers Sacred Site Essences, which she says “act like a homeopathic inoculation of ancient places of peace and power.” If my bullshit translator is functioning properly, she is telling enlightenment seekers that if they can’t afford a trip to Cairo, they can at least buy some piss water from there.  

 She never explains exactly what this liquid is or how it’s accessed, but based on the accompanying photos, it appears that water is collected from sacred sites “during awesome solar and celestial events.” Other than saying the liquid if purified, it offers no other information but does promise it will “help deepen meditation, stir deep healing, and activate ancient wisdom within.”

Most of this site mixes undefined New Age gobbledygook with a misuse of scientific terms. Consider this claim: “Essences made in sacred sites resonate with that particular Sacred Site and Cosmic Event of the day. Each one is unique to the site it was made in. They can never be re-made since energy shifts daily.” She is acting as if each vial she sells is distinguished from the rest. But I could take one vial apiece from Greece, Peru, England, and my bathtub, and Aluna Joy would be unable to tell them apart in a blind test. Water is water, and the only way the time of year will impact it is if it the temperature causes it to freeze.

With dozens of Sacred Site Essences to choose from, how do cosmic consumers know which to select? Aluna Joy advises, “Listen to where your heart is calling you. Read about the individual Essences and listen to which ones are calling you.”

People come to sites like hers because they are searching for answers and they’re not getting that if she tells them to decide. But Aluna Joy does not leave them completely to their desperate devices, for she offers an essence chart. If wanting to anchor deep peace, the U.S. Southwest is the essence for you. Tap into the Grand Canyon libation and await tranquility. If wanting to go multi-dimensional, Egyptian essence is the ticket. This one includes no testimonies, suggesting customers have been trapped in one of those alternate universes. Another offers self-healing, which is defeating the point if you order it from someone else. For healing the planet, go with Hawaiian Essence. Better yet, clean a river or plant a tree.  Another Essence offers assistance with ascension, and for a price much cheaper than a hot air balloon ride.

There are many others, none of which explain why water from any of these places would be different than the others. Nor does the site offer any mechanism for how these powers would work, nor does it ever define “profound expansion,” “heart activation” or “reconnection with star families.”

The descriptions include made up words and phrase that keep it vague enough that Aluna Joy avoids any real claims while giving her plenty of wiggle room to explain what she really means. This is what she says about the Great Mother of Sekhment Truth Serum:

“Use this essence to make great and positive changes in the world. We were allowed to enter the private temple of the great Mother Sekhmet. Her message was that we are to bring forth the inner Mother force within so that we can destroy anything that blocks our path to manifesting energies for the higher good.”

It’s not a very effective truth serum if she’s using it, then claiming an ancient Egyptian goddess told her to channel an inner force in order to attain a greater power.

Also available is the Rainbow Light Empowerment Divine Resonance Essence. This adjective-laden item will “seal in oneself a high frequency, iridescent, protective, rainbow light cloak, and begin empowering oneself through divine resonance. Users will also be blessed with a powerful activation. We absorbed the new light from the birthing sun in meditation and were assisted by Isis, Thoth and Sekhmet.”

Those are rather lame deities if they can’t manifest the product to those who need it instead of using a proxy to sell it in liquid form.

Someone convinced that ancient Egyptian goddesses and the sun are providing empowerment and a protective rainbow cloak in a bottle are desperate for answers and feeling empty in some aspect of life. As such, this magic potion will, at best, provide a respite from the anguish. They will have to keep coming back for different hopes and promises, which is why dozens of types are offered. If the abilities ascribed to these products were true, a person would need to buy only one bottle to attain lifelong bliss.

Besides the trips and magic potions, a third product is offered, in the form of one-on-one sessions. Although to Aluna Joy, there are actually one-on-one-on-hundreds of spirits sessions. For she is accompanied by her imaginary friends, whom she calls Star Elders. She advises these sessions for anyone experiencing the impossibly vague “general resistance to the flow of life.”

More serious is her promise to help those dealing with the trauma of sexual abuse or the horrors of drug addiction. Persons in these situations need medical and psychological help, not someone offering to “clear Karmic patterns,” “diagnose negative programming,” and “unlock DNA-encoded wisdom.”

I suppose I should give the Aluna Joy some credit for her religious tolerance. She offers products infused by deities associated with five different continents. Here website is the most polytheistic source I’ve come across and reads like the logical conclusion of Pascal’s Wager. All gods, goddesses, and incarnated deities are worshipped just to be safe.

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“The problem of the root” (Cryptobotany)

manplant

In 1924, the New York World ran a first-hand account of a young woman sacrificed to a carnivorous plant that resembled an oversized pineapple.

This death-by-tropical fruit tale began with German explorer Carl Liche foraging through the Madagascar jungle. Accompanying Liche was a companion, Hendrick, who went by one name in the sidekick tradition of Tonto, Robin, and Watson. This duo did the 1920s version of networking and enticed the cave-dwelling Mkodo people to help them hack and slice their way through their journey.

As penetrating thick vegetation by blade goes, it was going swimmingly enough until they stumbled upon the eight-foot pineapple lookalike. From the top sprouted eight slender leaves about 12 feet long, which were augmented by hook-shaped thorns. A culvert was filled with sweet liquid. Surrounding this receptacle were long, hairy tendrils, while the trunk was dark and very hard. The tribespeople then offered one of their women as a sacrifice to their delectable deity. She was forced to drink the liquid, which enraged the pineapple, who grabbed hold of the victim, suffocating, then consuming her.  

This tale was consistent with the yellow journalism era that favored massive headlines, minuscule fact-checking, imagination over investigation, and exaggerated artist’s renditions instead of photographs of the alleged subject.

At the same time, readers had also been entranced by tales of 800-pound hairy monsters and vine-shrouded lost cities that turned out to be gorillas and Mayan ruins, respectively. So why not a people-pulverizing pineapple? Believing that then would be different than swallowing it today.

Still, the Roaring Twenties forerunners of James Randi and Michael Shermer found reasons to disbelieve the tale beyond its fantastic nature and lack of corroboration. For one, Liche described perpetually-waving tendrils that are unknown to any plant species. Also, the murderous Madagascan monster was evolutionarily untenable. It would have needed to have been assembled by Victor Frankenstein’s botanist equivalent. Some of its specialized features are known in other plants, but no known member of the botanical world has all of them. In fact, this creature featured elements that came from different plant groups. It would be like an ape with wings. Such a combination could never emerge from random mutation and natural selection.

Multiple return trips failed to turn up a killer pineapple, nor even the tribe that had sacrificed one of their young maidens to it. It turned out the Mkodo were fabricated as well, and so too were their supposed travel companions, Liche and Hendrick. The story had been made up by the World’s Edmund Spencer.

This was the most well-known tale of people-eating plants. But there have been others, such as the Nicaraguan Vampire Vine, whose octopus-like appendages trapped its prey with rope-like roots and excreted a gum with a foul odor and taste. Combined with its victims’ screams, it repulsed all the senses.

Central and South America have also been the supposed location of trees who use either spikes or constricting branches to bleed or squeeze careless explorers or natives to their deaths. Also, a U.S. explorer in the Philippines reported that a tree hypnotized him with waving vines and was trying to lull him to his death. So much more subtle than the angry conifers in The Wizard of Oz.

Consistent with the region, India’s killer plant targeted not man, but his cows/reincarnated ancestors, using branches like arms to ensnare and kill its bovine prey.

There are carnivorous plants, of course, with the Venus Flytrap being the most well known. Plants, unlike animals, are capable of producing their own food and they soak up minerals from the soil. But in wet areas like swamps and bogs, plants sometimes lose potential minerals to running water. They adapt by becoming carnivorous so they can pilfer insect nutrients. Humans appear safe since the largest carnivorous plant, the Nepenthes vine, feasts on nothing bigger than frogs.

Another reason to not fear the plant world is that almost all carnivorous ones employ pheromones to lure their prey.  They would need to entice us by unleashing pizza aroma or by sprouting bulbs that resemble cheese quesadillas. Plus, multiple victims would have to fall for it over and over again, which would be as unlikely as repeated plunges into known crocodile watering holes. Moreover, a tree which has the ability to swing its vines or branches and use these supple appendages to pick up and destroy a human being is impractical.

While it may seem that I am typing the obvious, many of the subjects I write about feature implausible ideas that people subscribe to. This includes energy medicine, healing crystals, a flat (possible hollow) Earth, and Machu Picchu being built by tourists from Andromeda or Atlantis. I have yet to see a claim so baseless or extreme that it couldn’t find some believers. But when researching killer plants, I came across almost nothing. Whereas there are thousands of cryptozoology sites, there are less than 10 that address cryptobotany and I could find none where it is the main focus. Even those persons who seemed open to the idea mostly considered it intriguing, not realistic.

A good deal of my free time is spent writing this blog and otherwise promoting the skeptic movement. While it is a great passion, I would prefer to abandon it. I would love nothing more than for there to be a mass awakening that resulted in a fully-vaccinated, GMO-fed populace that realized it was the result of natural selection. I so much want to see the day when astronomy debates center on String Theory, not the shape, movement, or age of Earth.

But since this is not the case, I cannot feel too optimistic about the seeming lack of belief in trees, vines, and flowers that kill people, or at least dogs and monkeys. A few paragraphs back, I outlined some of the scientific reasons a man-devouring shrub was very unlikely. But cases just as strong are made against Bigfoot, so why are persons pursuing a bipedal ape, but not a bush that could devour it? Why are those who are fascinated by the notion of a living plesiosaur inclined to show little interest in real-life Audrey II? I think there are four reasons.

First, for the cryptozoology enthusiast, the thrill is the chase. With a man-eating plant, one could find it, but it wouldn’t be able to get away, so the chase is over. And since it’s stationary, it probably couldn’t even said to have been captured. Asserting there is a sustainable population of lumbering giant apes has also managed impregnable stealth is rather silly, but at least the beasts have locomotion that would make it possible for them to get away and hide. But a pernicious plant isn’t going anywhere.

A second reason the interest is so low is because cryptobotany is missing the out-of-focus photos, the videos shot through thick brush, and the contemporary anecdotes that populate cryptozoological circles. An alleged Bigfoot photo can be scoured for clues as to how its hair would have evolved, to estimate its height, or to proclaim it as proof it eats twigs and berries. But cryptobotancial images are limited to artist renderings that sometimes feature its shrieking human lunch. They are not purported to be the genuine article so there are no clues to search for, no reason to try and deduct what type of plant it might be or how it digests humans.  

Third, contemporary first-hand accounts are missing. Someone can claim a Bigfoot sighting and be believed and encouraged by his credulous cronies at cryptomundo.com. No further evidence will be requested. But if the same person claimed that on the way home, a cactus-like creature ate his goat, persons would ask where this stickered killer was and the claim would wither.

A fourth reason is that believers prefer their crypto critters to inhabit deep forests, rivers, or mountaintops, areas that are largely inaccessible to man. But this feature would doom a plant that munched on large mammals since prey would venture its way too seldom for it to avoid starvation.

For these reasons, belief in man-eating plants seems to be almost non-existent. Now back to work on making that the case for Reiki, chemtrails, and Tarot cards.

 

 

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“Bang the Dumb Slowly” (Big Bang denial)

godplanets

I would be substantially out of my element when discussing the Big Bang beyond the basics. By contrast, I am competent to address Big Bang denial.

First, however, the basics I mentioned. The Big Bang is the prevailing theory for how the universe reached its present state over the last 13.7 billion years. A Cliff’s Notes of the Cliff’s Notes version would look something like this: After an initial expansion, the universe cooled enough to allow the formation of subatomic particles, then atoms.  Next, giant clouds of primordial elements coalesced to form stars and galaxies,  eventually giving us what astronomers see today.

Evidence for the Big Bang includes the observed formation of new stars and planets, the amount of light elements in the universe, and the cosmic microwave background. Let’s take a look at how deniers handle this, or more accurately, can’t handle it.

As to the formation of new stars, Answers in Genesis concluded that God may have made gas clouds already in the process of collapse and the results are the stars astronomers see forming today. This assertion has zero scriptural support and, coming from an organization dedicated to Biblical literalism, reveals just how problematic this issue is to its members

Now onto the amount of helium, hydrogen, and lithium in the universe and why this matter matters. The average amount of these three lightest elements in certain stars today reflects the primordial abundance of those elements produced by the Big Bang. The match between these observed abundances and predictions in Big Bang models is consistent.

What say you, creation.com? “Scripture teaches that God recently created a finished cosmos, and the finished state of creation included the present suite of stable isotopes.” If the Bronze Age Middle East nomads who wrote the Bible really had identified isotopes, described quantum mechanics, made specific, accurate prophecies with names and dates, and commanded against rape instead of idol-building, I’d be hosting a blog promoting Biblical literalism instead of one on skepticism.   

But this blog it is, so onto cosmic microwave background, which is the earliest radiation that can be detected. Looking out into deep space is like looking back into time and astronomers can see that cosmic background radiation permeated the universe about 380,000 years after the Big Bang. The radiation formed after the universe had cooled enough for electrons and protons to recombine into hydrogen atoms. Photons were released and today this radiation is the cosmic microwave background.

While conceding it has no counterclaim to this, christiananswers.net nevertheless cautions, “The authority of the Bible should never be compromised for mankind’s scientific proposals.”

Meanwhile, Bar-Ilan University professor Nathan Aviezer takes a more conciliatory view. He doesn’t dismiss science, but also doesn’t present any. He considers cosmic microwave background to be the result of God separating light and dark in Genesis 1:4.

The most recent piece of evidence came for the Big Bang came this year with the confirmation of gravitational waves, which proved cosmic expansion. Rather than fumbling and bumbling my way through an explanation of the significance, I’ll defer to Michio Kaku:

“Einstein’s great insight was to realize that space-time is not empty, but more like a fabric that can bend and stretch and cause the path of objects to bend, giving us the illusion of gravitational force. And if the fabric of space-time can stretch, why can’t it also create ripples? Think of throwing a rock in a pond. Ripples will gradually radiate away from the splash and fill the surface of the pond. This is similar to what the scientists detected for the first time: Gravity waves rippling outward from the collision of two black holes a billion light years away.”

Thank you, Dr. Kaku for the scientist’s explanation. Now for the pseudoscience counterpoint, we bring in Dr. Danny Faulkner of Answers in Genesis. His retort is that scientists have been wrong before, so they might be wrong again. Of course, this has nothing to do with whether Abraham’s god created the universe. But Faulkner has an answer for that, too: “Creationists know from Scripture that the universe did not begin in a big bang billions of years ago. The world is far younger than this. Furthermore, we know from Genesis 1 that God made the earth before he made the stars.” Faulkner closes by suggesting that even if there are gravitational waves, God is causing them.

This is typical of Young Earth Creationists, who reject all science that conflicts with their interpretation of a specific Bible version. Their points are limited to quoting scripture and negative evidence from supposed deficiencies in scientific theory. They have yet to employ the Scientific Method in order to explain how creationism works.

Consistent with this, there are no creation articles in scientific publications. Jason Lisle, perhaps the only Young Earth Creationist with a Ph.D. in astronomy, refuses to submit any of his work to peer-reviewed journals. His stated reason is because the likes of Neil Tyson and Stephen Hawking never submit their work to his employer, the Institute for Creation Research. This is an especially hilarious excuse, but whatever the reason, bypassing peer review means failing to do complete science.

Here are a few points Lisle or other members of the anti-Big Bang Gang trot out. Keep in mind, even if these points were accurate, it is an invalid to conclude that it proves creationism.

  1. “Something cannot come from nothing because that would violate the First Law of Thermodynamics.” This assertion represents a fundamental misunderstanding of the topic. The Big Bang is not about the origin of the universe, but is rather about its development. No one knows what was there before or why anything went bang. Additionally, for a creationist to employ this argument requires Special Pleading since an exception must be made to allow God to spring into existence from nothing.
  2. “The Big Bang violates the law of entropy, which suggests systems of change become less organized over time.” In truth, the law of entropy is being obeyed. The early universe was homogeneous and isotropic, whereas the current universe includes the continued formation of stars and galaxies.
  3. “Atheist astronomers are out to disprove God.” First, this claim presupposes that the proof of God has been met. Second, this point doesn’t even mess with a scientific pretense and dovetails into what is at once an ad hominem and a straw man. Astronomers were trying to find out how the universe got to its present state and Genesis was merely collateral damage.

There are about a half dozen other points Young Earth Creationists bring up, but all fall into the negative evidence category and none are included in peer review submissions. As to their evidence for creationism, Answers in Genesis offers us this: “The Creator did not need matter, large amounts of time, energy, or anything else.”

Or this example: “A flashlight operates by converting electrical energy into light. Would it be rational to assume that the flashlight was created by the conversion of electrical energy into light? No, it was created by an entirely different process.” The author then concludes that this proves the universe was also created by other than naturalistic means.

Another point addresses the lack of verifiable antimatter. This is the focus on an ongoing astrophysics discussions, although to AIG it is “a powerful confirmation of biblical creation.” That’s not just jumping to conclusions, that’s a quantum leap. Or would be if AIG believed in such leaps.

 

 

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“Weapons of mass disruption” (Targeted individuals)

flash

I have gotten laughs at the expense of persons convinced of chemtrails, repressed cancer cures, and smart meters tracking their movements. And I had an especially good chortle when an online poster deduced the diabolical nature of NASA. He noted mission controllers often employ the term “T-minus,” and when one adds that ‘T’ to NASA, then rearranges the consonants, it becomes SATAN. It would also work as SANTA, and top-secret warp speed devices would help deliver a world’s supply of toys in one night.

Not funny, however, is the plight of those who are not paranoid about the government in a generic sense, but according to the clinical definition of the word. A subset of these persons refer to themselves as Targeted Individuals. The usually suspect the targeting to be coming from the government, although others think it’s Free Masons, Illuminati, Jews, or aliens. Whatever the source, the key point is that they believe their minds and bodies are being controlled by external nefarious forces. Though going by the moniker Targeted Individuals, these persons come together online and in conferences, which allows communal reinforcement to strengthen their delusions.

Conservative estimates have at least 10,000 persons suffering from this, and the Daily Beast documented one such victim, Cheryl Welsh. She was a college freshman when she began suspecting that electrical appliances were being remotely controlled to torment her. She observed that telephones, cars, streetlights typewriters, and televisions would stop working at times they would most cause the most disruption. What most persons would see as a power outage or mechanical malfunction becomes a coordinated attack from a powerful malevolent entity to those suffering from paranoid schizophrenia or similar conditions. Similarly, what most people known is a horn honking is, to the Targeted Individuals, a message to a member of Stalking Gangs, their term for agents out to get them. And while the Stalking Gang is usually faceless, it can manifest itself in more concrete forms. That new Human Resources director might really be a CIA agent dispatched to keep closer tabs on you.

The Daily Beast also profiled Kevin Bond, who believes an implanted microchip controls his thoughts and actions. A third person was convinced his brain is manipulated by electronic frequencies coming from a nearby government installation.

When friends or family members attempt to help these sufferers, it is often interpreted as the would-be benefactors being in on the plot. And good luck getting them to take any medication they feel comes from Big Brother’s pharmaceutical wing. These attempts to help fuels further paranoia, which is made even worse when online advice to suffers includes, “Do not visit a psychiatrist.”

While there are efforts made to counter this online, this also is usually futile. Some persons seek online reassurance that their anorexia is beneficial or investigate ways to commit suicide. But those same searches will also yield counterpoints. The same is true for those suffering this stalking syndrome, but those persons are likely to deduce that the counterpoints were planted by gang members.

A century ago, persons suffered similar delusions centering on crankshafts and gears instead of microchips and rays. Five hundred years before that, the thoughts were presumed to be coming from the devil. While that idea is not extinct, these days it’s more like to be Democrats instead of demons, Senators instead of Satan. This is consistent with an era technological advancements, eavesdropping, the Patriot Act, and NSA abuse.

Certainly, attempting to harness mind control is not beyond the federal government. The CIA’s infamous MK Ultra program had agents give LSD-spiked drinks to unsuspecting human guinea pigs as part of just such an experiment. Also, the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research tested whether pulsed microwaves could be used to transmit words to a subject’s brain.

So research may be ongoing and perhaps even a product has been developed. But that’s a long ways from there being evidence that evil overlords are targeting 10,000 everyday citizens.

For those convinced this is happening, there are electronic shields available. One merchant touts his products’ ability to “end electronic harassment and protect against implants, radiation, and voice/data/image induction that is intended to make an individual think they have a mental illness. Any directed energy attack is deflected off this energy field, giving the targeted individual the ability to get ongoing relief.”  

One of his competitors, Total Security Inc., reassures prospective customers, “You’re not crazy! We listen and care.” This compassion manifests in the form of “non-invasive body scans to identify implanted microchips and other forms of electronic tracking chips.” Never addressed is how many chips they’ve found.

Meanwhile, the QuWave Defender is said to generate a Scalar Wave Field intended to “interfere with harmful rays, reduce the effect and functioning of implants, and act as a barrier to psycho-electronic harmful signals aimed at the individual.”

The paranoia these companies are targeting is occasionally an issue. Many customers refuse to allow the company to use the United States Postal Service, which surely is part any plot. Others demand tamper resistant seals. All of this raises the question: If forces are controlling the person’s mind, why would those forces allow the mind to order products intended to stop the control?

The president of StopBeamWeapons.com, which offers a magnet shield to “minimize partial brain disablement from covert anti-brain beam weapons,” admits his customers “oftentimes can’t really articulate what they’re trying to shield from.”

That’s because it’s all in their minds and these persons deserve sympathy and access to therapy, not unscrupulous offers to fix it with a Buck Rogers Ray-Gun Deflector.