by

“The tooth comes out” (Tooth Fairy Science)

tooth

When my children put teeth under their pillow, they wake up with substantially more money than I did at their age.

If attempting to ascertain why, I could examine various factors, such as whether the amount the Tooth Fairy leaves has kept up with inflation, if the Fairy values incisors more than molars, and if the time in between lost choppers impacts the amount left. I could query 1,000 children, analyze results for socio-economic trends and determine if there is a correlation between the frequency of Tooth Fairy visits and the sell of home security systems. I may even endeavor to conclude once and for all if the Fairy is male, female, or androgynous. The findings could be put in a snazzy hardcover book with impressive graphics and detailed footnotes. Yet none of this would establish that a stealthy, mobile spirit is replacing extracted calcified objects with cash.

Tooth Fairy Science refers to doing research on an unverified phenomenon to determine what its effects are, rather than to ascertain if it exists. It is post hoc reasoning in research form. The phrase was coined by Dr. Harriet Hall.

This shoddy science is a regular feature of studies into ghosts, cryptozoology, reincarnation, alien visitors, alternative medicine, parapsychology, and creationism.

I have three co-workers who believe our office is haunted. Curiously, this spirit only manifests itself when the workers are by themselves at night. Perhaps he is nocturnal and dislikes crowds. We have ample video and audio equipment in the office, and we could set these up and record what times bumps most occur, detect any unexplained shadows, and note any high-pitched whistles. This data could by analyzed and a conclusion reached about the ghost’s characteristics. But this would not take into account wind, pipes, electromagnetic interference, or a worker on floor above coming in at 11 p.m. We would have to assume the ghost’s existence and attribute these factors to it.

Similarly, cryptozoologists will shoot sonar into Loch Ness or look for disturbed vegetation in Bigfoot’s supposed stomping grounds, then attribute any findings they consider consistent with their monster to be proof the animal was there. As such, they do not consider other explanations, such as the sonar detecting a bloom of algae and zooplankton, or a warthog beating Sasquatch to the trap.

That’s because when Fairy Tale scientists uncover data that is consistent with their hypothesis, they assume the data confirms it. For example, psychiatrist Ian Stevenson spent years collecting stories from people who claimed to be reincarnated. He used these anecdotes to support his belief in reincarnation, and he used reincarnation to explain the stories, a textbook case of circular reasoning.

Moving onto alien abduction, John Mack talked with persons who claimed to have been taken by extraterrestrial beings. He assumed the stories to be real instead of considering that he might have implanted the ideas by asking leading questions, such as, “Was the alien about four feet tall,” as opposed to “How tall was the alien?” The mental state and susceptibility of the subject was not considered, nor were explanations like fraud, attention-seeking, or sleep paralysis. 

Alien abductees aren’t the only subjects that spend time on a Tooth Fairy scientist’s couch. So do alternative medicine patients. Chi, meridians, and blockages are assumed to exist in “energy” medicines such as craniosacral therapy, iridology, therapueitic touch, reflexology, chiropractic, Reiki, Ayuvedic, and more. I have addressed the rest of these in previous posts, so we’ll address Therapeutic Touch here.

First, Therapeutic Touch is neither. The practitioner’s hands are close to the patient, but are never on them. As to the therapy part, practitioners claim to be able to sense a patient’s “human energy field” with their hands, then manipulate the field by moving their hands near a patient’s skin to improve their health. Scientists have detected and measured minute energies down to the subatomic level, but have never found a human energy field. Nine-year-old Emily Rosa designed a controlled test of the practice which Therapeutic Touchers failed spectacularly. Any seeming success is because of the fluctuating nature of many illnesses, the placebo effect, confirmation bias, and nonspecific effects. The latter is a common error and refers to confusing the effects of practitioner-patient interaction with the supposed effect of the treatment.

In a test that proponents claimed proved Therapeutic Touch’s validity, researchers gauged the effects of the technique on reducing nausea and vomiting in breast cancer patients receiving chemotherapy. All patients were on the same chemotherapy regimen and they were randomly divided into three groups of 36 patients. The first group received usual Therapeutic Test treatment, the second group got a similar treatment except the practitioners’ hands were farther from the patients, and the third group received no treatment. A single practitioner performed all the treatments, which was fatal to conducting a proper study because he should not have known which patients were receiving which treatment.

Since there is no evidence the energy field exists, there can be no evidence that how far the practitioner’s hands are from the patient would make a difference. The alleged energy can’t be measured, so there’s no reason to believe any energy was transferred to, or benefited, any patient. While the authors claimed the study showed Therapeutic Touch worked, they had failed to establish that the central feature of the practice even existed.

Likewise, parapsychologists are quick to point to rare instances of a subject performing better than chance as proof that various forms of ESP are legitimate. Unsatisfactory results are considered as the power being unable to be accessed due to cosmic interference, negative energy from a skeptical observer, or some other ad hoc reason. They look to justify the failure as owing to a particular cause rather than the cause being that the power doesn’t exist.

Then we have the creationists. The Institute for Creation Research website informs us, “The very dependability of each day’s processes are a wonderful testimony to the design, purposes, and faithfulness of the Creator. The universe is very stable. The sun always rises in the east and sets in the west. Earth turns on its axis and always cycles through its day at the same speed every time.”

All of these phenomenon are explicable through known laws of physics and astronomy, and the ICR has affirmed the consequent by saying if there is order in the universe, there has to be a god controlling it, and since we see that order, a god exists. They attribute any majesty to this deity without bothering to prove his existence first. It’s one thing to do this as faith in one’s religion. It’s quite another to claim this as science while bypassing the entire Scientific Method.

I’m going to have to wrap this up. My daughter lost another tooth so I’ve got more research to conduct. 

by

“An eye for sore sights” (Iridology)

iris

Iridologists claim they can determine whether an organ is diseased by examining the iris, as opposed to the more logical tactic of looking at the organ.

The field has its roots in 19th Century Hungary, where teenager Ignatz von Peczely accidentally broke an owl’s leg. Despite the animal’s shrieks and convulsing, von Peczely was able to detect a black stripe toward the bottom of his iris. Twenty years later, the now-Dr. von Peczely noticed a similar stripe in the same area when mending a patient’s broken leg.

Von Peczely went to work documenting other alleged eye markings in future patients. This, combined with post hoc reasoning and apopehnia, led to the first iridology chart. There are now many such charts and each has different diagnoses and treatments. Even what qualifies as a marking is subjective.

If a physician diagnosed a patient with tonsillitis, another doctor giving a second opinion would not instead determine it was appendicitis. Yet two iridologists might recommend a tonsillectomy and an appendectomy, respectively, because the field is driven by conflicting iridology maps and creative interpretations of eye specks and pigments.

I can’t blame the von Peczely for trying a different approach. But there’s no reason to use it today. Iridology has failed miserably in controlled scientific studies and there is no known mechanism by which body organs can transmit a health status via the iris.

Besides, the iris is one of the most static areas of the body. Biometric identification uses it as the identifying feature because its pattern is established in utero and is unchanging from then on, except for slight color change in newborns. Subsequent changes can only happen because of eye injuries or an eye disease such as glaucoma. And a person would know they had these conditions without having to consult an iridologist.

There have been at least a dozen attempts to put iridology to a scientific test and it has failed spectacularly each time.

In 1979, three iridologists were shown photos of 143 persons and asked to identify which ones had kidney trouble. One deduced that 88 percent of the healthy patients had kidney disease, while another determined that 74 percent of those with ailing kidneys were healthy. The third performed no better than chance.

The next year, an Australian iridologist examined photographs of 15 patients who had a total of 33 health problems. He struck out each time, failing to diagnose any of the diseases.

In the late 1980s, five Dutch iridologists were shown slides that included 78 persons with gallbladder disease. None of the five could distinguish between the patients with gallbladder disease and those without.

In another test, an experienced practitioner was asked to diagnose 68 patients. He correctly identified three of the patients as having cancer, which is much less impressive when one learns that all 68 had the disease.

These overwhelming failures are explained away with some Great Moments in Ad Hoc Reasoning. Specifically, it is sometimes asserted that iridologists are so medically savvy they are able to diagnose conditions years before they manifest. Or iridology may be touted as a way to determine how susceptible a patient may be to a particular disease. Of course, a decent physician could do that by considering a patient’s habits, diet, genetics, and family history. Some iridologists have taken to downplaying actual diseases and instead detect imaginary disorders such as electrostatic interference, magnetic imbalance, chronic stress, or toxin buildup. Still others use it as a pretext to sell herbal supplements and vitamins.

With most alternative medicines, the biggest danger is that of a patient being inadequately treated, such as battling high blood pressure with raspberry smoothies. That could still happen with this field since a patient might falsely be given clean bill of health. But the most likely danger with iridology is that a patient will be diagnosed for something he or she doesn’t have, leading to freaking out and pumping unnecessary medicine into themselves.

The only health issues the iris reveals are problems with the iris. If needing to have someone look deeply into your eyes, schedule a romantic dinner.

 

by

“Tooth and fail” (Hitler escaped theory)

hitler100

It wasn’t his worst characteristic, but Hitler had lousy teeth. By the time of his suicide, he had just five of his adult choppers left. This gave his inner mouth a distinctive appearance full of gold crowns, porcelain veneers, and bridges, including one that spanned a crown in his lower jaw.

These deplorable dental doings are one of the stronger points against the notion that Hitler escaped his bunker and lived for another 17 years or more. Doctors took X-rays of his head following a 1944 assassination attempt and these were used for comparison on his charred corpse. Also, two dental assistants who worked on Hitler were shown pieces of a jaw the Soviets had retrieved and both immediately confirmed the teeth and bone were Hitler’s. So if Hitler did escape, he lived out his life without his jaws or mouth, a bigger miracle than him managing to slip past Allied troops.

Of course, many Nazis did escape to South America. Joseph Mengele even used his real name part of the time and lived until 1979. Adolph Eichmann spent 15 years escaping justice until captured by Israeli special agents. So wondering if the Nazi leader got away was perhaps inevitable, and speculation he may have gotten away began almost immediately.

The first deniers were SS officers and other Nazi soldiers, which is understandable. They had spent the previous 12 years in a propaganda fog and evidence vacuum, where Hitler’s majesty and the inevitability of the Third Reich’s 1,000-year duration were constantly drilled into the populace. Hearing that this had fallen apart would have caused an extreme case of cognitive dissonance, so reports of his death were dismissed as Allied propaganda. There were bunkers, underground tunnels, and emergency escape plans in place, so this would not have been too crazy for brainwashed Germans to swallow in May of 1945. We must be less charitable to the so-called History Channel for embracing this idea in its schlockfest, “Hunting Hitler.”

Most of this show’s episodes include a kernel of truth in a bushel of bullshit. For instance, one tale has a submarine aiding in Hitler’s escape since one U-boat ended up near Argentina. But the reasons why had nothing to do with a genocidal stowaway. On May 8, 1945, the Kriegsmarine ordered all German subs to surrender. Most U-boats did so, but some believed it was a trick and laid low until receiving confirmation. U-530, commanded by Lt. Otto Wermuth, eventually arrived at an Argentine submarine base and surrendered. There is no evidence Wermuth had transported his Fuhrer to a hideout. Instead, hoping for better treatment, Wermuth decided to go to South America instead of the United States, a decision also made by other U-boat commanders.

“Hunting Hitler” treats any discovery as strong proof that the Nazi dictator got away. A compound deep in the Argentine jungle, presumably built by leftover Ancient Aliens, is one such example. In another example, a sonar device revealed a false wall concealing a tunnel running from a Berlin subway station to the airport. In the post hoc, hell yes, world of the History Channel, this is proof Hitler scurried though this clandestine route and caught a flight to freedom.

At the time Hitler was allegedly doing this, Nazis weren’t the only ones suggesting he might have escaped. Stalin expressed sympathy for this view and the senior Soviet officer, Marshal Georgy Zhukov, said they found no corpse that could be the Nazi dictator. They likely floated these ideas because the premise had Hitler escaping to the West through bumbling Americans.

These suspicions have manifested in many forms since. The late, great tabloid Weekly World News reported in 1989 that the 100-year-old dictator was a grandfatherly figure to South American children. Other rumors had him escaping to the moon, Mars, inside a hollow Earth, or chilling with penguins at the South Pole. An attempt at a more serious claim was made by Gerrard Williams and Simon Dunstan in Grey Wolf in which the authors deduce he died in Argentina in 1962.

History, however, reveals that on April 30, 1945, Hitler committed suicide. Soviet shells were shaking his bunker and he didn’t dare give Stalin a chance to take him alive. Hitler was so image conscious that he lambasted Mussolini for allowing himself to be photographed in a bathing suit. How much worse it was to be photographed swinging upside down, as Il Duce was after his death at the hands of a mob. Hitler knew deep public humiliation and torture would follow if Stalin got the chance. So he swallowed cyanide, a seemingly superfluous step since he followed that by shooting himself in the head. Next, his valet and three SS guards took his body to an outdoor garden, doused it with gasoline, and set it afire. By the time the Soviets reached it, only fragments remained and even those had been further damaged by shelling, but there was enough left for forensic proof.

The Soviet soldiers proved themselves to be poor makeshift morticians. What was left of Hitler’s body was not taken care of properly and was even mixed with other corpses when they were buried, then moved and reburied multiple times. The Soviets said the remains were kept in their counterintelligence headquarters until they destroyed them in 1970 to prevent them from ever becoming used in a Nazi shrine. All that was left was the skull fragment that featured the fatal bullet hole. However, a 2009 DNA test revealed the skull was actually that of a woman likely in her 30s. While this proved the skull was not Hitler’s, it’s still a long ways from this being evidence he had survived the shelling of his bunker, made it past Soviet troops that were overrunning Berlin, and gotten from the middle of Europe to South America undetected.

In a rare Cold War collaborative effort between the Reds and Yanks, the two superpowers worked together in the mid- and late-1940s to ascertain what had taken place in Hitler’s final days and minutes. Leading the way was a Soviet intelligence officer, Maj. Hugh Trevor-Roper. He examined every piece of evidence and interviewed every witness. This included Hitler’s valet, Heinz Linge, and his bodyguard, Rochus Misch, who ended up being the last living bunker survivor. Trevor-Roper cataloged all this in his book, The Last Days of Hitler, which includes a moment-by-moment account of Hitler losing touch with reality, his suicide, and the disposal and recovery of the bodies.

One might reasonably give a little credence to the initial accounts of Hitler’s handlers, who had been indoctrinated to protect and revere the Fuhrer, and to think they might have lied to help him get away. That’s less easy to do with subsequent reports and very difficult to do with a Soviet officer tasked with verifying what happened. To dismiss his report and its hundreds of pieces of corroboration, including dental X-rays, could likely appeal only to the most resolute conspiracy theorist, for whom fuzzy photos, excited whispers, and jumped-to conclusions are the preferred evidence.

 

by

“Evidently not” (Alternative medicine proofs)

bloodletting

Alternative is defined as “something available as another possibility,” or “relating to behavior that is considered unconventional.” So alternative medicine proponents may present it as just another idea to consider. The more paranoid might describe it as a justified counterassault to the existing order.

Most accurately, however, the “alternative” in alternative medicine refers to the field’s definition of evidence. Dr. Steven Novella has said, “Alternative medicine creates a double standard where the rules of science and evidence are stood on their head to manufacture the result that is desired.”

In many cases, what’s passed off as evidence are testimonials. These can be anonymous, such as a magazine advertisement in which J.T. of Greensboro, N.C., praises his applied kinesiologist. Or it can be face-to-face, with your cousin relating how acupuncture eased his sinus trouble. Some in the alt-med crowd consider mainstream medicine the enemy, while others are content to try something different because medicine has made mistakes before and hasn’t found all the cures yet. But as Dara O’Briain has observed, “Science knows it doesn’t know everything; otherwise, it’d stop. But just because science doesn’t know everything doesn’t mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairy tale most appeals to you.” When Jenny McCarthy was asked about the total lack of evidence that vaccines cause autism, she responded, “My science is named Evan and he’s at home.” One could attribute Evan’s autism to what he had for lunch the day he was diagnosed and it would be just as legitimate.

At the other end of the spectrum, if a product or technique can be validated through double blind studies, it is embraced by the medical establishment. These studies help prevent the problems of selective memory and magical thinking, and they account for the placebo effect. Bypassing this method or ignoring the results of it is how many alternative medicine practitioners operate.

Also, terms like alternative, complementary, and integrative have no scientific or legal meaning. They are used by spin doctors, not the medical ones. They are marketing ploys that sound better than quackery, snake oil, and Old Wives Tales. The traveling wagon has been replaced by CureCancerWithCumquats.com.

Some alternative medicines are absolute lunacy with no plausible working mechanism. These include homeopathy, craniosacral therapy, and Ayuvedic. There are others that may hold more promise, such as essential oils and herbal medicine. Half of medicines are plant-based and there are surely boatloads of cures and mitigations yet to be discovered. We may someday learn that lavender is effective for toddler fevers or that basil eases arthritis symptoms. But determining this would be the result of double blind studies. And making this information useful would require further research to learn how to best extract the healing properties, how to decide the optimal delivery system, and how to determine the proper dose. Passing ideas around in online forums and support groups is inadequate.

Those who see mainstream medicine as the enemy assert that Big Pharma and doctors are repressing cures or at least scared of them gaining acceptance. Yet the mainstream HAS tested acupuncture, chiropractic, iridology, and so on, and these techniques flunked out.

So adherents rely on their alternative definition of evidence. They may cite preclinical studies on animals and test tubes even though these mean nothing until verified by tests on people. Or they may reference a doctor who starts with, “In my experience…” Dr. Mark Crislip calls these the three most dangerous words in medicine because personal experience, especially from an authority figure in the field, can compel a patient to embrace a false cure. No matter how many testimonials there are and no matter what the source, they are not proof of efficiency. Dr. Harriet Hall has noted there was more than a millennium’s worth of anecdotes describing the curative properties of bloodletting.

Science is collaborative and self-correcting. The results of one study will be validated or contradicted by subsequent research and eventually a consensus will emerge. There are oodles of studies out there of every possible level of quality. Some of it is fraud. Some of it is lazy science. Some of it seemed to be good science that was replaced by better science. Trying to filter the charlatanic chaff from the sound findings can be challenging. But a good place to start is with Dr. Hall’s hierarchy of evidence, which is shown below. Note that failing to make the list are anecdotes and testimonials:

  • Test tube studies
  • Animal studies
  • Case reports of one patient
  • Case series of multiple patients
  • Case control studies (such as comparing people with and without diabetes to determine if the overweight are more subject to the disease)
  • Cohort studies (such as following people who are overweight and those who are not for a few years to see if one of the groups has a higher incidence of diabetes)
  • Epidemiologic studies (such as studying whether people in countries with more overweight individuals have a higher percentage of diabetics. These studies can show correlations, but they can’t determine causation)
  • Randomized controlled trials
  • Systematic reviews and meta-analyses that evaluate all peer-reviewed published evidence.

The best studies are large, randomized, placebo-controlled, double blind, and peer-reviewed. These should always be used if practical and ethical. Testing car seats and including a control group of infants that are subjected to crashes without the seats would be unethical. So too would be treating a baby’s asthma with wheatgrass or not giving him his MMR shot because Jenny McCarthy said not to.

 

by

“Bash in your chips” (CieAura company)

chipshoulder

Most alternative medicines come in the form of pills (homeopathic tablets), liquids (essential oils), or nothing (Reiki). The CieAura Company distinguishes itself from that bunch by selling what it calls Transparent Holographic Chips for pain relief.

But while its product is a little different from the others, the verbiage is pure alt-med. Its explanatory statement crams in almost every cliché possible: Meridians, balance, blockage, energy, flow, natural, vibrations, chakra, and holistic. Also included are science terms like organs and cells even though these have no relevance to the product. This is a common ploy when trying make counterfeit products seem genuine.

The cieaura.com website also makes the expected Appeal to Antiquity: “In every culture the sacred explanation of energies were provided by the healers or sages. Healers of old felt that negative thoughts and emotions carried by the energy currents caused blockages resulting in disease. The ancients believed removing energy blocks and balancing energy fields would restore health.”

Left out of this nostalgia for druid doctors and shamanic surgeons is that it refers to a time when the average lifespan was 32 and most parents lost multiple newborns. These ancient medical ideas were written on parchment and delivered by donkey, so why use word processors and websites to praise them if old equals ideal? Many alternative medicine practitioners and followers embrace modernity in every aspect of their lives except improved health.

The appeal to antiquity shifts abruptly to a trumpeting of the cutting edge: “There has been an explosion in the technology of intrinsic energy research instrumentation. Tremendous advances are being made in being able to measure and verify the existence of these energies.” While it is true that devices such a MIT’s Super Quantum Induction Device have allowed the detection of extremely faint magnetic fields, there’s no reason to believe these energies are being transferred to a chip you can slap on your knee and end your gout bout.

In what passes for their attempt to explain the process, the company gives us this: “CieAura Transparent Holographic Chips adhesively charge intrinsic energies into holograms for the purpose of influencing the human cycle. The natural meridians in our body get out of balance and cause blockages in the natural energy flow between the vital organs, cells, and tissues of the body. Without help, there is rarely a balance in our body that keeps energy, concentration, stamina, and yin and yang at the optimum level.”

Holographic chips plus yin and yang. Whether you prefer your hogwash ancient or futuristic, CieAura has you covered. This gobbledygook is likely intended to impress or at least bewilder. Navigating this sea of confusion, we learn that these chips will be applied to the body for pain relief by tapping into natural energies. Almost as if anticipating my question, the authors write, “These intrinsic energies are not measurable in the same manner as frequencies and vibrations are measurable.” This inability to verify the existence of the crucial feature of the product is sadly typical for alternative medicine. As is this type of phrase: “These holograms bind sound vibrations to influence the human energy field.” They never confirm what type of energy it is, how it is accessed, how sound vibrations are bound, how they are transferred to the chips, or how this would take away Aunt Millie’s backache.

While offering a meandering description of this product and how it works, we at least are given clear instructions for its use. The chips are meant to be placed on the skin or clothing, as getting them within two inches of the body will activate them, with the effect lasting about two days. If this is true, that means the only ones who would ever benefit from them are the persons producing, stocking, or delivering them. None of those activities are possible without getting within two inches of the chips, so they would be activated and used up by the time the customer got them.

Whoever the activation impacts, the recipient will be receiving “non-invasive, non-transdermal chips, which are 100 percent natural.” The Appeal to Nature fallacy aside, I’m unsure where these transparent holographic chips are growing wild.

Perhaps the website’s lone accuracy is telling us, “The chips are safe and non-transdermal, and no drugs enter the body. There are no side effects.” In other words, it’s not medicine. Transdermal describes the route whereby active ingredients are delivered across the skin. If there are no active ingredients to deliver, there is nothing to effect the body and no way to mitigate any pain. That chip on your shoulder or anywhere else is worthless.

Even if it did work, one statement from the website accidentally reveals that it could only impact one type of malady, not all of them. For it noted that specific frequencies were found to be effective for the different types of pain. Yet there is only one type of chip and it cannot be adjusted.

Without offering evidence, the website claims that heart attacks are much more likely during heightened solar activity. It thus deduces, “This indicates brain waves can be entrained by outside electromagnetic forces. Of course, this is conflating correlation and causation, and maybe they have it backwards. Perhaps a cardiac arrest sends out negative yin-yang streams that screw with the sun’s balance.

by

“Time slips, away” (Accidental time travel)

airplane horse

Time slips are the notion that persons and objects can be involuntarily whisked away to another era for an anachronistic holiday. It is distinct from time travel, which a person intentionally seeks.

This would explain why time slippers end up in lame locations and events, as opposed to ancient Greece, colonial Philadelphia, or 1871 Dodge City. Take this fellow, for instance, casually dressed as opposed to the gentlemen in fedoras and ties who surround him. This image was taken in 1941 at the re-opening of the South Fork Bridge in British Columbia. The subject in question is sporting shades and casual clothing more suited to the 1990s, and for excited believers, this is evidence of time slippage.

However, when an article of clothing or an accoutrement is introduced can be separate from when it is popular. In the case of the sunglasses, this style first appeared in the 1920s. As to his shirt, the claim is that it is relatively modern. But it is probably a sweater with a sewn-on emblem, which was common for sports teams at the times. Indeed, the logo on his shirt appears to be the one belonging to the Montreal Maroons hockey team in the 1940s.

This picture is genuine and the website humansarefree.com argues that time slips have always occurred and that the advent of photography allows the slipper to be accidentally documented. However, the era of computer manipulation makes it easy to plant a person or object from one time into another. For instance, the website offered this photo of a 1960s sports car in the days of Model Ts and horse-drawn trolleys. However, this was merely a manipulation of this photo, to which the car was added.

Time slips are among the least-discussed supernatural topics among both skeptics and believers. For the latter, I think that’s because there’s really nothing they can try and do with them. Unlike Chupacabra tracks or alien wreckage, there’s nothing to look for. Unlike Reiki or applied kinesiology, there’s no power to try and harness. Unlike a séance or telepathic communication with middle Earth inhabitants, time slips aren’t presented as a means of intentionally contacting someone.

As to the skeptics, there’s really not much to respond to. Other than pointing out PhotoShop or noting that time slips would violate the known laws of physics, there’s not much to say.

The most well-known assertion of a time slip was the YouTube phenomenon that featured a woman outside a Charlie Chaplin film who seemed to be talking on a cell phone. Beyond the extraordinary nature of the claim, there is also the obstacle of how someone with a cell phone would have anyone to speak with unless a cell phone tower also slipped through the time warp.

Since the video has the typical grainy look of those from the era, it’s hard to get a clear picture of what she’s holding, although the most likely answer is that it’s a portable hearing aid. A competing claim from humansarefree.com holds that the object is indeed a cell phone and that this time slip occurred because “our souls are connected to our bodies from another dimension.”

Before this  bi-level spirit travel, the most well-known time slip claim was from the turn of the 20th Century. It centered on friends Anne Moberly and Eleanor Jourdain, who toured the Palace of Versailles and came across a chateau that had been used by Marie Antoinette. They got lost on the massive grounds and ran into persons wearing the garb associated with 18th Century aristocracy. They later reported they had seen Antoinette sketching.

The pair were respected educators so there story was given more credibility, an instance of appealing to authority. This is where extra weight is given to a claim because of who is saying it rather than what evidence is supporting it. It is an ad hominem in reverse. One example of this was what happened when Linus Pauling asserted that vitamin deficiencies were responsible for all sickness and disease, and he recommended massive doses of Vitamin C for everyone. Pauling was a great chemist who won the Nobel Prize for his research into the nature of the chemical bond, but his orange juice overload suggestion was not backed by research. His assertions about the cause of disease could not be validated by other scientists. Since no evidence backed up what Pauling said, alternative medicine practitioners relied on his unrelated Nobel Prize for substantiation.

Similarly, because of their prominent positions, pilots and astronauts are put forth as reputable sources if they claim to have seen a flying saucer. Even persons far less accomplished than Nobel Prize winners and moon travelers can be given extra consideration due to their sincerity and honesty. It can take the form of, “My grandmother is an upright person, and if she says she saw Bigfoot, she did.” However, a person’s honesty and credentials are unrelated to their brain’s role in taking in perceptions, filtering through distortions, filling in blanks, and putting together a conclusion. A person can be distinguished, genuine, and mistaken. People may be well-meaning and still have fallible memories.

When the Moberly-Jordain story was first reported, it was examined by England’s Society for Psychical Research. Despite the name, it took a (relatively) skeptical look at fantastic claims and concluded this case was explicable through ordinary means. Most likely, they had stumbled upon a historical reenactment and no more saw French Revolution victims than persons today see Stonewall Jackson at a Civil War recreation. There is also reason to believe this experience became a shared delusion that was woven in retellings. For starters, it took 100 days for the two to initially compare notes, and it was only after much discussion, story swapping, and historical research that Moberly and Jourdain came up with a year of 1789 and assigned identities to the characters they saw, including Antoinette as the sketch artist.

This tale was added to, deleted from, rearranged, and embellished by subsequent storytellers until it became established in lore as a time slip. But unless you’re reading this prior to 2016, there’s no reason to think there is such a thing.

by

“Scalped” (Craniosacral therapy)

cran

My only chat with a craniosacral therapist took place a year ago at the Quad Cities Paranormal and Psychic Expo. I asked him how it worked and was told, “It has to do with the cerebral spinal fluid, which is what houses all of the nerves. Craniosacral therapy bathes and nourishes and protects this fluid, which is in the cranium and goes all the way to the sacrum. There’s a rhythm that’s involved in the expansion and contraction of the craniosacral system. The idea is to make sure the system is able to expand and contract without any restrictions.”

I felt just fine that day, so I opted against paying $65 for a 20-minte scalp massage. Had I gone ahead with it, I would have been treated by a therapy that purports to manipulate noggin bones and the base of the spine for wide-ranging health benefits. The basics are that spinal fluid pulsates with a craniosacral rhythm, but that this flow can become blocked. However, practitioners such as the one I encountered say cranial bones move sufficiently to allow a therapist to feel this pulsation and give gentle massages that enable the flow to resume. With this, good health returns. Craniosacral therapy advertises itself as being able to achieve substantial health benefits with miniscule invasiveness and complete safety. Two-thirds of these claims are almost always accurate. It’s the one centering on health benefits that lacks substantiation.

For starters, craniosacral therapy makes no sense from an anatomy and physiology standpoint. The skull lacks moveable parts and the eight cranium bones don’t even separate to relieve the pressure from dangerous swelling so they sure won’t budge for a therapist’s oscillating fingertips. This, even though that is touted as the central feature of the treatment. It would be like a paying for a tune-up when the mechanic is unable to replace the spark plugs. Besides, the skull moving in multiple directions is something medics should be treating, not causing. Secondly, the only rhythm detectable in the cranium and cerebrospinal fluid comes from the cardiovascular system. This is crucial because craniosacral therapists deny that the rhythm is caused by blood pressure. Rather, they say the brain makes rhythmic movements and that this is the flow they are feeling.

Another huge problem with the field is the lack of instruments, measurements, and verifiable data. I had an emergency room trip last week in which medical personnel tested my blood pressure, pulse, and temperature, plus gave me an X-ray. By contrast, the craniosacral rhythm that proponents consider the key to health is determined by the therapist’s hands. Any needed changes to this rhythm are likewise completely reliant on the practitioner’s palms and fingers. The crucial feature of this field is craniosacral rhythm, yet proponents offer no way to detect, measure, or control it. Since no instrument is used to measure the rhythm or its changes, there exists no reliable way to distinguish healthy flow from the impeded variety.

Likewise, how to approach treatment and gauge success is determined exclusively by the practitioner. With there being no tests, instruments, or valid anatomy & biology involved, 10 different craniosacral therapists will have 10 different ways of analyzing and treating a patient. There are also broad claims about what symptoms can be alleviated by craniosacral therapy, with the more brazen claiming that ANY malady can be fixed.

While craniosacral treatments lack therapeutic value, they are usually innocuous. But it can have indirect deleterious effect, such as when children with cerebral palsy are given false hope that it will make them better. The one significant danger is if a serious condition is treated with craniosacral therapy instead of genuine medicine, and two deaths have resulted from this. One victim was an epileptic who was treated with cranial therapy and was told to stop taking seizure medication; the other was a 2-day-old who was given craniosacral therapy for a high fever, which is a life-threatening condition for a newborn.

When I asked the craniosacral therapist last year, “Is it for specific issues like a sore arm or for general health,” I was assured, “It works for everything.” This is perhaps the biggest giveaway that the field is bogus. All ailments are attacked with the same fingertip scalp massage. The epileptic and infant fever victims were given the same treatment that would be given to patients with cancer, carotid arteries, canker sores, and anxiety.

by

“Overactive blather” (Immune system boosters)

POM

Next to assuming that natural means beneficial, the most ubiquitous alternative medicine folly is thinking the immune system can be boosted with the likes of mushrooms, sage, pomegranates, and bottled elixirs.

None of them work, which is good because boosting one’s immunity would leave one less healthy. In fact, an overactive system leads to autoimmune conditions such as lupus, arthritis, asthma, eczema, and even life-threatening anaphylaxis.

Even a small boost of the immune system produces results that, while not as pronounced, leave one feeling poor. That’s because coughs, fevers, and aches are not caused by pathogens, but by the body going after them. A fever is the immune system trying to fry the pathogen and a cough is the system trying to expectorate it. 

This is innate immunity, which acts quickly but paints with a broad cleansing brush, treating all invaders without distinction. That’s why colds feel the same even though they are the indirect result of 100,000 different pathogens. The innate immune system continues churning longer than necessary, manifesting itself in lingering sore throats and runny noses.

Therefore, cold and fever medicines work to suppress the immune system, not boost it. The vanquishing of an infection is primarily done by the acquired immune system, which builds over a lifetime. The acquired immune system contains B and T cells that produce and interact with antibodies to attack infections. Most of these antibodies are produced when a person first encounters an infection and they are held in reserve for future attacks. If the body is hit by a pathogen it has previously been exposed to, or been vaccinated against it, the acquired immune system reactivates and harnesses the antibodies needed to fight the infection.

The immune system is a mix of organs, cells, proteins, and tissues working in harmony to prevent fend off invasion of the body by pathogens. It is far too complex to be impacted by increased flaxseed consumption. Green tea and cinnamon sticks make for a tasty snack, but they won’t boost your immunity, regardless of what your friendly neighborhood naturopath tells you. If the immune system was so weak as to need a kale kick to get stimulated, pathogens would wipe out our species.

With billions of years to refine, why hasn’t the opposite happened, with the immune system conquering pathogens altogether? Because pathogens are also biological agents that evolve, leading to an unending battle between them and the immune system. The influenza virus adapts so quickly that annual shots are needed, and those are of varying efficiency. And HPV has managed some evolutionary trickery by bypassing the immune system and ingraining itself in our DNA.

There are extreme cases where boosting the immune system is both possible and desirable. Examples would include persons undergoing chemotherapy, who are HIV positive, or who are suffering severe malnutrition. As one example, it can be done with a bone marrow transplant, a necessary evil for some with leukemia or multiple myeloma.

The acquired immune system is also boosted though vaccinations. Antigens are injected into the body, where the adaptive immunity system recognizes them and responds as if there was a genuine threat. If the real thing comes along later, the acquired immune system is ready and it won’t need Dr. Oz’s Magic Coconut Juice.

 

by

“Skull-duggery” (Crystal craniums)

CSKULL
There are many crystal skulls out there, the overwhelming majority of which both skeptics and believers think were made in the last 200 years. The dispute centers on how many ancient, magic skulls there are, with believers saying 13 and skeptics saying zero.

The origins of these 13 enchanted quartz craniums have variously been described as Mayan, Aztec, or Cherokee. Bolder claims have them coming from down below (Atlantis) or up above (an exoplanet). There have been numerous persons asserting to be in possession of ancient crystal skulls, but all claims have withered under scientific scrutiny, and no such skulls have ever been found during an archeological dig.

The busiest time and place for these frauds was 19th Century England. Interest in ancient culture artifacts was high and dating techniques weren’t what they are now, so the fraudsters got away with it for a while, selling bogus pieces to museums and universities.

Faux archeologists have given way to New Age entrepreneurs as the main peddlers of crystal skulls. Powers attributed to them include healing, cancer eradication, gravity suppression, expanded psychic awareness, and providing holographic images of the holder’s past events.

The skulls also serve as a townhouse for souls of ancient Mayans. They entered the skulls in order to wait for someone with the ability to unlock their prophetic knowledge to happen along. The key, however, is to get all 13 skulls together and juxtapose them is such a way that will usher in an era of bliss, enlightenment, and twice-weekly taco days.

One of the more enthusiastic promoters is crystalskulls.com, a website so loose with the facts that it describes the Great Flood as “scientifically verified.” If anonymous testimonials are your passion, you’ll want to stop by. Here’s one: “I’ve always found your skulls to have a much higher vibration and love quotient than other skulls.” And another: “When I meditated with my new skull it gave me the name of A-Ma-Ru, meaning doorway or portal to higher consciousness.” You can bulk up your Good Vibrations and spirit travel for $298. Shipping is extra, as the website delivers through FedEx, not the higher consciousness portal.

An Ancient Aliens episode declared every tested crystal skull to be of comparatively recent origin and void of supernatural power. This seeming anomaly for the program is understandable once one realizes they were profiling Anna Mitchell-Hedges, who was in possession of a crystal skull found in 1924 that hadn’t been proven fake. However, this was because she had rejected all requests for testing from scientists and their annoying dating technology. She said the skull had given her a premonition of the JFK assassination, not bothering to explain why she made no attempt to stop it.

After her death, the skull was examined by the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History, which tested it and determined it to be recent. Ancient Aliens stands by its story. Smithsonian vs. Ancient Aliens, you decide the winner. The program noted that another 12 skulls need to come together to usher in the grand new epoch, which should buy them another dozen episodes.

by

“Yeti’s machetes” (Montauk Project)

TESLAALIEN

Montauk, N.Y., was once home to a radar dish intended to detect Soviet missiles. Computer technology rendered the device obsolete and its use was discontinued in 1969. Authorities fenced off the dish site and made the surrounding area a state park.

The federal government donated the land to New York, with the stipulation that the feds “retain the rights to everything beneath the surface and the right to reoccupy the land if made necessary by a matter of national security.” Conspiracy theorists are adept at filling in the blanks, and putting this one-sentence statement on a page would leave  almost nothing but blanks, so there was plenty of room to scribble away.

Therefore, the Montauk Project became credited with time and interdimensional travel and a psychic ability to manifest objects, which in an extreme case produced an angry Yeti who ran amok, possibly with machetes.

There have also been alien visitors, some of whom were lost and others who were recruited, with there being conflicting reports on whether that’s a euphemism for kidnapped. Then there’s teleportation and a particle accelerator that occupies about one percent of the space that would normally be necessary for a device. Perhaps this is a sign of Montauk’s futuristic technology, much as how computers that once filled a large room can now fit in your hand.

The project has also managed the bending of space, including a large bubble of space-time at the site’s center site. There is also a pyramid of pure titanium constructed for unclear purposes. Some say it was where the moon landing was faked, which seems a supremely underwhelming claim to make considering what else was going on there. It would seem that all this super-advanced and alien technology could easily manage a moon landing, if not continued travel to Pluto or even Andromeda. The project is also responsible for subliminal messaging READ MY BLOG that actually works READ MY BLOG. And it’s all run by Nikolai Tesla, who either rose from the dead or who never died, in either case owing to technology he created. Screw you, Edison

This all began when the United States liberated France and began shuttling away Wernher von Braun and other German scientists in Operation Paperclip. Around the same time, low-ranking U.S. soldiers stumbled upon trainload of Nazi gold in Paris. When their commanders found out, they killed the soldiers, kept the precious metal for themselves, and used it to start funding the Montauk Project. They lobbied Congress for more funds, which was denied. The Department of Defense then secretly diverted money to the project, which means Congress would had to have lost track of billions of dollars. (This is the one part of the tale that seems plausible).

In 1983, Tesla and Co. encountered two men from aboard the USS Eldridge of Philadelphia Experiment fame. When the battleship disappeared, it got stuck in hyperspace and transported Al Bielek and Duncan Cameron to Montauk, where they encountered physicist and mathematician John von Neumann, 26 years after his supposed death. This is according to Bielek and Cameron, although von Neumann has yet to corroborate.

The Eldridge was not the only transport device to get sucked to southern Long Island. Flying saucers observing the Philadelphia Experiment ran into a time warp and endued up at Montauk, where they demanded a large quartz crystal to restart their spaceship’s engine, lest everyone find themselves on the business end of a ray gun. The quartz was obtained by time traveling to another planet.

The facility was expanded to 12 levels and several hundred workers. No person or equipment is ever seen going from the facility, which is either a fatal blow against the conspiracy theory or evidence of that inhabitants have indeed conquered time and interdimensional travel.

They have also engaged in mind control experiments on orphans, spawned an authentic Jersey Devil, and created AIDS. Despite these abominations, that project has not been entirely malevolent. The South won the Civil War, but workers form Montauk traveled back in time to change that. Stonewall Jackson was no match for M1 Abrams, black helicopters, and technology purloined from the 25th Century.

The story had largely faded from conspiracy lore until an unknown animal or replication thereof washed ashore in 2008, and was dubbed the Montauk Monster. What kind of animal it was, or even if it was real, was never determined. Photos were taken of it, but the carcass/stuffed animal disappeared. The animal was featured on Ancient Aliens despite it being neither of those things.

Some zoologists thought it was fake, though most suspected it was a raccoon whose decidedly un-raccoon appearance was the result of decomposition from prolonged water submersion. To theorists, however, it was an escaped chimera from the Montauk laboratory. Perhaps even a descendant of the psychically-created, machete-wielding Yeti.

Most of this comes from the imagination or repressed memories of Preston Nichols and Peter Moon. The introduction to their book “The Montauk Project: Experiment in Time,” at least admits the claims are not backed by hard evidence. With 90 percent conviction, however, the authors say the book is true. They do add that it can be enjoyed as either fiction or nonfiction, which requires the generous concession that the book would be enjoyed at all.