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“Power tripping” (Electric lines and smart meters)

HITLERMETER

When electrons move through a current or wire, they produce invisible fields of electric and magnetic energy, and these are known collectively as electromagnetic fields. But for some persons, there are implications more sinister than powering a lava lamp or electric stove. To believers, these fields are lethal, and they’re not referring to the guy who accidentally killed himself when he used a stove to heat his lava lamp.

EMFs are most frequently delivered through power lines. The ubiquity of these lines and the continually lengthening average life span would seem to contradict claims regarding health damage. More importantly, there is no identified mechanism by which electromagnetic fields would cause cancer, the illness most frequently attributed to the lines.

When radiation ionizes, this gain or loss of an electron can break the bond that holds molecules (such as DNA) together, and the result may be carcinogenic. But this danger does not extend to low-frequency fields. According to Dr. Robert Park of the American Physical Society, “All known cancer-inducing agents…act by breaking chemical bonds. Not until the ultraviolet region of the electromagnetic spectrum is reached, beyond visible light, beyond infrared, and far, far beyond microwaves, do photons have sufficient energy to break chemical bonds.”

So, electromagnetic fields are low energy, they don’t ionize, and won’t damage DNA or cells. It’s OK to blend that gluten-free organic pomegranate smoothie as long as you don’t mind it swirling about in a container made of synthetic chemicals.

If magnetic fields caused illness, patterns would show increased risk with more exposure. This is not the case, and computational biologist Steven Salzberg traced this unfounded concern to a 1979 study that drew a correlation between high-voltage power lines and leukemia in Denver children. Additional research was done on the issue, and a 1995 review of the studies concluded, “There is no known mechanism by which magnetic fields of the type generated by high voltage power lines can play a role in cancer development. “

Then in 2002, the World Health Organization announced, “There is little evidence that mutations could be directly caused by extremely low frequency magnetic fields, which are not classifiable as to their carcinogenicity to humans.”

But as long as technology advances, concern over it will follow. Once power lines were cleared of wrongdoing, smart meters became the electric company resource responsible for slaying children. Smart meters measure the amount of electricity used, then transmit that information to the power company without an employee having to come to a house and read it. The smart meters emit EMFs for only about 45 seconds per day and they emit less than a Fry Daddy, but they are considered by some people to be sources of deadly radiation. Despite the meters spitting out EMFs less than .1 percent of the day, persons with electromagnetic hypersensitivity insist they can feel EMFs lurking and pouncing all the time.

These electro-sensitive people report suffering various physical and psychological ailments they say are caused by household appliances. Electro-sensitive is not a medical term and is self-described, self-diagnosed, and possibly self-medicated. It’s hard to say how many persons are afflicted by this psychosomatic illness. One telephone survey in California had three percent of respondents claiming it, but most of those with it might be avoiding telephones.

Double-blind, controlled studies have repeatedly shown that electro-sensitives are unable to distinguish between genuine and sham electro-magnetic fields. When notional cell phones or other devices were used, symptoms were still reported. This is due to the placebo’s lesser-known sibling, the Noncebo Effect. British physician and academic Ben Goldacre explained, “If one thinks something causes harm, one’s stress level rises. Some of the symptoms of stress are sleeplessness, palpitations, headaches and anxiety, the exact symptoms reported by sufferers of electro-sensitivity.

Therefore, the illness is suggested by sweat, not studies. The National Research Council reviewed 500 studies conducted over 20 years and found “no conclusive and consistent evidence” that electromagnetic fields harm humans. Then in 1997, the New England Journal of Medicine published the largest study ever on the relationship between electromagnetic fields and childhood leukemia. It involved over 1,200 youth, half with the cancer and half without. The results found “no evidence that magnetic field levels in the home increased the risk for childhood leukemia.”

To conclude, if you are have power lines running to your home and are serviced by a smart meter, strong evidence suggests you are not at increased risk, and here are some signs to look for that indicate you may not have cancer:

  • Consistency in bladder habits
  • Quick-healing sores
  • Usual bleeding and discharge
  • Smooth skin
  • Ease in swallowing
  • Stagnation in the size, shape, and color of warts and moles
  • Coughs of a normal duration
  • Robust appetite
  • Weight maintenance
  • Ability to manage pain
  • Explained vomiting
  • Being persistently long-winded
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“Rife with disease” (Radionics)

ETCHSKETCHOn the totem pole of skeptic concern, dowsing would probably be at the bottom. A guy thinking he’s in possession of a magic stick is innocuous unless it is his sole method of locating drinking water. Dowsing does not involve vaccine denial, promote creationism in biology class, or ghoulishly prey on bereaved family members with messages from beyond the grave.

There is one manifestation of dowsing, however, than can be dangerous, and that is when it is used in conjunction with radionics and other energy healing. As Ray Hyman of the Committee For Skeptical Inquiry put it, “Perhaps in no other area has ideomotor action created as much mischief as in medical settings. Under a variety of circumstances, our muscles will behave unconsciously in accordance with an implanted expectation.” In this instance, that expectation is that disease will be revealed and cured when a handle is waved over a patient. When the clinician’s hands move, it is presented as evidence first of disease, then of a cure in subsequent visits.

Radionics emerged from the mind of Albert Abrams, who claimed people have an innate frequency vibration, and that when this goes askew, diseases result. Abrams would hook up his patient to his machine, to which was added a drop of the patient’s blood. Abrams would then tap on the patient’s stomach, sending a vibration to the patient’s spine that Abrams would measure and translate into a diagnosis. This device, he said, could transmit healthy vibrations to sick tissue or organs. These claims are inconsistent with known laws of physics or biology.

Abrams spawned many imitators, and users of these devices have been able to produce measurable readings on them. But there is no evidence this detected electrical resistance is revealing the diseased vibration of hypothetical energy.

Ruth Drown took it a step further and developed a radio therapy that allowed these techniques to be used without the patient even showing up. Her therapy was tested at the University of Chicago and failed to work. It is fine for elite institutions to test unlikely ideas. The problem today is that many of them skip the testing and go straight to embracing Reiki, crystal healing, and craniosacral therapy.

Abram’s most prominent imitator was the highly alliterative Royal Raymond Rife, who claimed that cancer was caused by bacteria. Having deduced this, he developed a microscope that he said could detect living microbes by their aura colors, which in turn were determined their vibrations. His Rife Frequency Generator purportedly emitted radio waves which corresponded in frequency to the disease, causing offending bacteria to break apart. Rife compared this to what happens when an opera singer breaks glass. So this strategy might work on Placido Domingo, but the rest of us are out of luck. In fact, researchers were unable to replicate his method or findings, which Rife attributed to an AMA conspiracy.

Indeed, Radionics and Rife Machines have most of the red flags of pseudomedicine: Misuse of the term energy; allegations of a cover-up; secret knowledge; exclusive dealers; wide-ranging cures; a preference for anecdotes over data; ad hoc dismissal of any failures; and no side effects (as long as you don’t count death when someone bypasses chemotherapy for having a magic wand waved over their stomach). Yet another giveaway is the lack of standards, which is why each practitioner has his or her list of what frequencies can cure which afflictions.

The machines were extinct until a 1987 book announced Rife had conquered cancer and that the cure had been suppressed by the AMA. This is nonsensical because the AMA is an advocacy group with no authority to prevent anyone from selling, advertising, or promoting the machines. Another strike against the conspiracy theory is that persons involved in the cover-up would also get cancer, or have family members that do. The customary response is that the conspirators kept the machines for themselves in case this a happened. That, as opposed to making $500 million off of them.

Several merchants claim they are exclusive dealers of the authentic version of the machine, arrived at through a combination of reverse engineering and access to secret information. During their 1980s reincarnation, the machines were updated for the times, most notably coming with claims they cured AIDS. However, an Australian electronics magazine deduced that the machines were ersatz electronic devices filled with small batteries, wiring, and some tubing. The magazine found this produced an “almost undetectable current that was unlikely even to penetrate the skin, let alone kill any organism.”

I was pleasantly surprised that Andrew Weil, who runs the University of Arizona’s Center for Hogwash Integrative Medicine, unequivocally state that Rife machines don’t work. At the same time, I’ve seen enough alternative medicine promoters to know that Weil’s dismissal of the device may be based on the fact that he doesn’t peddle them. His website, does however, offer an abundance of evening primrose oil and iron-free vitamin packs.

Weil doesn’t sell them, but they are available at electroherbalism.com, which combines naturopathy with pseudo-electronic devices. This is an unusual mix, sort of a quackery biathlon. Whether purchased from this site or others, the idea is to consult a chart that has rows listing maladies, Hertz levels, and duration. Simply match up the frequency and time, then zap that lupus. For extra efficiency, slap some snazzy Flash Gordon stripes on the handles.

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“Attention for screaming” (Primal therapy)

POPPENFRESH

A lot of people scream when they get upset, but only one man has been able to turn yelping into a lucrative career and business. Arthur Janov came up with the concept of Primal Therapy, whose ideas were outlined in his 1970 book, “Primal Scream.”

His hypothesis was that mental issues are caused by trauma early in life, specifically during the toddler years, infancy, and even birth. He suggested that unmet needs during these first three years result in neurosis later in life. To resolve these issues, the traumatic experiences need to be relived and then discharged through screaming therapy.

The sessions involve more than just remembering the traumatic experience; the physical symptoms also manifest themselves again. Janov posits that traditional patient-on-couch therapy focuses on the cerebral cortex, whereas impersonating a howler monkey hones in on the central nervous system, which houses pain receptors.

One problem with Primal Theory is it fails to address any issues that might result from Kindergarten onward. A child orphaned at age 6 and sent to live with an abusive, alcoholic foster father and distant mother would have no issues to deal with per this hypothesis. By contrast, being left in a crib crying for 10 minutes at four months old will cause dormant issues that arise later.

Exorcising these mental demons is similar to the engram removal system in Dianetics. Also like Scientology and other religions, Primal Therapy manufactures the problem, then sells the exclusive solution.

The screaming is alleged to do more than just offer release from mental issues. The shouts are also said to increase the bouquet of bodily aromas and cause body parts to grow. Rather than test this in a lab, where it would be easy to confirm or dispel, these claims are limited to anecdotes. But if screams of rage led to growth, I would have severe gigantism after 40 years of watching the Kansas City Chiefs.

The scream treatment consists of 15 one-on-one sessions, followed by group therapy once or twice a week until resolution. While Janov reports that the healing usually takes 12 to 18 months, it could keep going as long as the patient feels any trace of guilt, sadness, or remorse.

The only independent study of primal therapy included 32 patients, with a 40 percent success rate reported. That’s a less than stellar record, but is too small a sample size to mean anything either way.

Janov downplays the lack of science behind his ideas and methods. He writes in his book, “Feelings are their own validation,” an especially elementary example of circular reasoning. He then adds, “The truth ultimately lies in the experience of human beings. Their feelings explain so much that statistical evidence is irrelevant.” What scientist needs data when there are reports of happy strolls down Candy Cane Lane?

A glaring issue with the whole field is that it purports humans can be prompted to recall events from when we were just days old, even experiencing the identical physical symptoms. Beyond the lack of empirical evidence or studies to support these and other ideas, Janov promotes the dangerous notion that neurosis from repressed memories is the cause of all mental illnesses.

Primal Therapy had a heyday during the Human Potential Movement, and “Primal Scream” portended the glut of self-improvement books that was about to hit. Clients included John Lennon, Steve Jobs, and James Earl Jones. Its lack of verifiable results caused it to fall out of favor and some of its ideas are anachronisms, such as sexual orientation being a choice. When first published, “Primal Scream” argued clients could scream the gay away, along with just about anything else. Janov wrote, “I could go on endlessly listing all the symptoms which Primal Therapy has eliminated, from menstrual cramps to asthma. But that would make Primal Therapy seem a kind of panacea and thus lessen its credibility.” Your words, Janov, not mine.

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“Vulture club” (Birds gathering for Armageddon)

IVULTUREThe Book of Revelation features vivid imagery of sea dragons, winged lions, and scorpions with human heads (or possibly humans with scorpion bodies). But some modern-day interpretations also include a much more mundane creature, the vulture.

On the website of Paw Creek Ministries, Joseph Chambers lays out the relevance this despised bird has to cataclysmic end times. Chambers begins by interpreting Armageddon to be in Israel’s Mediggo Valley. This seems a fair enough conclusion. Every action in the Bible and Koran took place in either modern-day Israel, southern Turkey, eastern Egypt, northern Saudi Arabia, or western Iraq. Hence, almighty God’s omnipotence seems limited to a small circle of the Middle East.

After dispatching with cookie cutter references to the Antichrist and the tribulation, Chambers gets to the heart of the apocalyptic matter: “The hatred for Israel that fills the Middle East and much of the world is a prophetic fulfillment. It could not be otherwise or we could not be living in the end times.”

Critical thinkers may note the affirming the consequent committed here. For any new readers, this is when one: 1. Makes a conditional statement; 2. Affirms the consequent; 3. And conclude this proves the antecedent to be true. In this instance, Chambers notes that it is prophesied Israel will be hated, and since some people hate Israel, this proves the Bible is true. Chambers did not cite which verse predicted this, and I could find no verse that made the claim. But even if there is such a verse, there could be reasons persons would dislike the Israeli government that would have nothing to do with God foreshadowing it. Its treatment of Palestinians or its civil rights abuses could be an issue. Or it could be plain old anti-Semitism, which has existed as long as there have been Jews. Anti-Semitism was in existence at the time Biblical prophecies were written, so predicting that it would continue is an underwhelming prognostication.

Getting back to the blood and gore, Chambers writes that Armageddon will be the greatest battle in history, not just fought by men, but featuring angels, demons, dragons, griffons, and Sleestak. What a mess it will be.

“The clean-up from such a slaughter cannot be accomplished by human hands,” Chambers writes. “Vultures will be called by their creator to descend en masse and devour the rotten flesh,” which will be peeling off 200 million victims, although he never explains how he reached this figure.

At any rate, an avian army will descend, according to Revelation 19:17-18: “An angel cried with a loud voice, saying to all the fowls that fly in the midst of heaven, come and gather yourselves together unto the supper of the great God, that ye may eat the flesh of kings.” All this explains why the number of vultures in Israel is substantially rising, Chambers adds.

Also showing an interest in Israeli scavenger birds is cuttingedge.org. This site is similar to Paw Creek Ministries, but with more interest in the New World Order and exclamation points. It tells us, “The Jews of Israel are showing great concern for vultures, to the point where the population is increasing dramatically!”

The site then segues into Israel’s standing in the world. “Israel has fought five major wars, most of them against considerable odds. Israel today numbers 6.6 million citizens living amidst 300 million Arabs who universally want to kill her once and for all and throw her out of the Middle East. That tiny Israel can withstand this kind of opposition is proof positive of the omnipotent power of almighty God. God defends tiny Israel against overwhelming foes.”

Another critical thinking interjection here. This is one more example of affirming the consequent. The writer is saying, “If a small nation can survive despite being surrounded by hostile enemies, it is because it has godly protection. Israel survives despite being surrounded by hostile enemies. Therefore, God is protecting it.”

However, there can be other factors. God, for instance, is providing $9 million less a day to Israel than the United States is. Neighboring countries may also may be hesitant to provoke a nation strongly suspected of having nuclear arms. Those countries are also aware that Israel’s Begin Doctrine calls for preventive strikes if an enemy attempts to possess weapons of mass destruction. Israel employed this in 1981 when it bombed an Iraqi nuclear reactor under construction, an attack that would be superfluous if God was offering absolute protection.

Cuttingedge.org then quotes the other biblical book known for its vivid imagery, Ezekiel. It claims 39:17-18 is referring to Armageddon’s aftermath: “Say to the birds of prey of every sort and to every beast of the field, assemble yourselves and come, gather from every side to the sacrificial feast that I am preparing for you, even a great sacrificial feast on the mountains of Israel.”

It then explains, “‘Gather yourselves to my sacrifice’ alludes to an invitation common in the Middle East to invite friends over for a specially prepared feast. God is celebrating a victory over the enemies of Israel!” Come one, come all, for free food, drink, and a celebration of genocide!

The author also concludes that the prophesied destruction of the House of Esau refers to Palestinians, and he excitedly notes their impending slaughter. And the vulture increase in Israel is a complementary miracle since something has to eat the flesh of the displaced people and pluck their heathen eyes.

I usually find websites that specialize in prophecy fulfillment or conspiracy theories to be selective in their facts and interpretations. I don’t know that I’ve ever come across any that were just so wrong as these two. For vulture populations in the Armageddon vicinity are actually plummeting dangerously low.

Jon Gerrish runs the Jerusalem Cornerstone website and he is one Christian who takes a jaded view of imminent doomsday pronouncements. With regard to the ornithological implications, he writes, “After my arrival in Jerusalem in the fall of 1982, I was introduced to articles and newsletters regarding Israel and the End Times. One had to do with a sudden and dramatic increase in vulture populations across the country, especially in the Jezreel Valley, where Megiddo is located. Since then I have become more familiar with Israel’s flora and fauna. It is well documented that Israel’s current population of vultures has unfortunately diminished to the brink of extinction. Only 40 pairs of griffon vultures are left, when there were 1,000 in 1948.

Meanwhile, the Al-monitor newspaper reports that vultures native to Israel are in danger of extinction. About 150 years ago, Briton Henry Tristram documented thousands of vultures in modern-day Israel. A survey taken in 2000 counted just 400 of them. That means these 400 birds would have to finish off 200 million victims, quite a miracle indeed. But 5,000 people were fed with a few fish, so maybe this idea just needs to be inverted.

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“Bad council” (Aliens from Nibiru)

CATWOMAN

Few have taken body makeovers to the extreme that Joscelyn Kelley has. In 1992, she left her body to make room for Jelaila, who hailed from Nibiru, the 12th planet in our solar system. Jelaila did not reveal what planets 10 and 11 were, and Pluto had yet to be downgraded at the time of this interplanetary possession.

Jelaila took control of Kelley and trained her to be a galactic messenger and founder of the Nibiruan Council. In this role, Jelaila does more than pass on messages from invading body snatchers. She also interprets Nostradamus quatrains and sells colon cleansers, vitamins, and books. It’s multi-level marketing meets Star Trek, and Jelaila is both at the top of the Pyramid and commanding the Enterprise.

Per its website, the Nibiruan Council is comprised of “members who are connected to the people of Nibiru and their ancient ancestors,” who are some form of ninth-dimensional cat people. The Nibiruan mission is to prepare humans to take their rightful place in the galactic community. They do this by having Jelaila sell multidimensional ascension tools, DNA recoding, and exfoliating cream.

They also inspire her to blog. In her most recent post, Jelaila wrote, “When ascension plateauing occurs, we move upward in consciousness, until we reach a point at which we are unable to move forward.  What is needed is a boost, something that will create a wave of energy that propels us forward.” Incidentally, this post was about Cecil the lion.

You see, the concern for Cecil is about to usher in an era of economic prosperity. Cosmic overseers had hit an impasse on devising a new financial system for Earth until the wave of outrage following Cecil’s killing broke the stalemate. That’s because the compassion manifested itself as “an energy that nullifies polarity thorough the ascension process.”

But this process has benefits beyond trade agreements enabled by feline slaughter. It can help you ascend to other dimensions and make it to Nibiru. You purchase secrets on how to do so from Jelaila and the economy benefits, just like she said it would!

But since others have previously paid for this ascension, why are they not aboard the Earth-to-Nibiru trolley? Because ascension is not just a voyage, but a process (with a ratio so far of 0 percent voyage, 100 percent process). Jelaila tell us, “Ascension is an ongoing journey,” and apparently so is paying for it.

Besides stationary ascensions, Jelaila’s other main product is DNA recoding, which she describes as “the process of realigning, reconnecting, and reactivating DNA.”  Here’s what you get for rebooting your coiled biopolymer strands: “This takes away physical pains, which are themselves the source of painful memories, which will also be released.” Essentially, you get a compromised sense of touch along with amnesia. As such, you may forget that you’re also receiving clairvoyance and the “reactivating of your psychic glands.” You probably get an upgrade to a triple helix as well.

If you don’t care for oft-delayed multi-dimensional travel or DNA self-splicing kits, you can always go with her magic Epsom Salt. Customer Candy M. reported that salt alleviated her pain, and it served as the conduit for her Niburian guides. The guides let Candy know her damaged liver was going to be just fine and not to worry about having that surgery. Sounds like Candy is off to Nibiru, her time on Earth is almost done.

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“Read Allah bout it” (Muslim conspiracy theories)

GUITARSHARKI have been on an unintended conspiracy theory kick of late, with four straight posts focusing on the topic. Let’s keep it going by addressing conspiracy theories with an Islamic flavor.

Muslim conspiracy theorists attribute so much power to Mossad and the CIA, it seems they should be worshipping those agencies instead of Allah. This power was displayed during a string of shark attacks in Sharm el Sheikh, Egypt, in 2010. Before delving into the attacks and their conspiratorial aftermath, please allow me a personal tangent. I knew Sharm el Sheikh shark victims before they were cool. I lived there for six months in 1999, where I met Herb. Herb had a mantra, “Everything is easy when the will is strong,” which he claimed to recite 500 times a day. Skeptic or not, I have no doubt about this. I would hear him saying it out loud to himself as he bicycled across the desert at night. He had an amazing biography that included fishing with Hemingway, introducing 15-year-old Mike Tyson to his trainer, and receiving unsolicited job offers of up to $500,000 a year. He turned the jobs down because he didn’t want to wear a suit.

I was interviewing him once when he decided that Muhammad Ali would be a better source for my question, so he thumbed through his rolodex for Ali’s home phone number. He stopped after realizing that the former heavyweight champion’s Parkinson’s disease would keep him from being speaking well enough. So he went to plan B, Norman Mailer. Norm wasn’t in, which was fine. The idea of conducting an unplanned and unscripted interview with Norman Mailer tended toward the intimidating side.

At any rate, Herb’s life experiences also included being bit by a shark during his daily three-mile swim from Sharm El Sheik to Tiran Island, Saudi Arabia. More than a decade later, shark attacks became common in the area for one week. There were five attacks, one of them fatal. Other than Herb’s shoulder being bit, there wasn’t much history of shark attacks in the area. The most likely reason for the abrupt spike was the dumping of sheep carcasses during an Islamic festival two weeks prior. But why blame Muslims when scapegoat Jews are nearby?

Some Egyptians, including the South Sinai governor, figured that Mossad agents were behind the attacks. This was typical of a pervading mindset in the region that sees Israel, and to a lesser extent the U.S., as behind any misfortune. Even the electricity going out is seen as sign of infidel sabotage. The shark attack victims were all Europeans, so the idea was that Israel was trying to cripple the city’s robust tourism industry. To do so, they captured a shark and planted a GPS unit on its back. That still leaves no explanation for how a device that tracks movement would enable a cartilaginous fish to be moved by remote control and then forced to chomp on a Ukrainian leg. On the flip side, a guy named Spielberg directed Jaws.

Keeping with unpopular animals, another idea posits that Mossad agents train vultures to spy on Saudi Arabia. One of these ornithological espionage agents, R65, was captured by Saudi Arabian security forces, wearing a bracelet declaring, “Tel Aviv University.” As Top Secret efforts go, emblazoning your nation’s capital on your spy’s footwear is an unorthodox strategy.

The university reported the vulture was part of a migration study, which is code talk for Zionist insurgency. Other birds have not returned, meaning they are out there getting more information. How they get it, what they have reported, and how they speak Hebrew is unknown. They are spies, after all.

Having promulgated theories based on sea and air, a ground-bound conspiracy is easy to concoct. Istanbul is the only city in the world that occupies two continents, and this has symbolic as well as geographic relevance. Turkey is a not-quite-east, not quite-west, locale that serves as both a dividing line between, and place of diplomacy for, two vastly different cultures. Turkey is populated by persons who would be comfortable living in places as disparate as Greece and Iran, and it borders both. So Istanbul provides just the right element for a Zionist plot to insult Turkishness though power chords.

The 2010 Sonisphere festival in Istanbul featured Metallica and Megadeth. But its most distinguishing characteristic was that it occurred the same month as a Gaza flotilla raid that killed nine Turks. As such, the concert was meant to mock the deaths by celebrating at a time of grieving. The headbanging was organized by Purple Concerts, which is run by Israelis. Of course, the show had been planned long before the raid took place. Or had the raid been planned long before the show took place? Conspiratorial minds want to know.

For evidence, Turkey’s Vakit newspaper noted both alcohol and Rammstein were present. Sonisphere played in 10 other countries in 2010, so the organizers were evidently also making fun of Greece for its debt crisis and needling Spain for losing the World Cup final.

Moving on. Hindu-Muslim rivalries are mostly associated with Kashmir, but if there’s a holy war brewing, Iran needs a slice of the jihad pie. Hence, its state-owned mouthpiece pushes the idea that Mossad agents cooperated with India to plot Umar Farouk Mutallab’s attempted plane bombing in 2009.

In the scheme, an Israeli security company paid for the would-be bomber’s plane ticket from Amsterdam to Detroit. He lacked a passport, but a mysterious “Indian man” arranged passage onto the plane. All this was made easier by Israel clandestinely controlling Nigeria and Yemen, where Mutallab was born and trained, respectively. The goal was to give the U.S. an excuse to invade Nigeria and Yemen. What interest Israel had in the U.S. invading countries that, per the theory, it already controlled, is never explained.

These have all been comical ideas, but we now make an abrupt transition to the jihad against polio vaccinations. As dangerous and unhinged as the U.S. anti-vaccine movement is, the threats to murder doctors, legislators, and lobbyists are unlikely to be carried out. Not so when a fatwa is ordered. In fact, scores of aid workers and their security guards have been killed since the latest vaccine jihad was declared in 2012. Another tragedy is the doubling of polio cases in Pakistan’s tribal regions during the time.

Maulana Fazlullah of the Pakistani Taliban considers the vaccinations a “conspiracy of Jews and Christians to make Muslims impotent and stunt their growth.” He also declared it to be against Islam to combat a disease before contracting it. He additionally declared women in public to be an obscenity, so he encourages the kidnapping and human trafficking of female health care workers.

We will close by returning a lighter note, specifically the idea of pig’s blood in cola. According to the Al-Riyadh Newspaper, “The scientific and medical research says that drinking Pepsi and Coke leads to cancer because the key element is taken from pork sausage. The pig is the only animal that eats dirt, dung and urine, which makes for lethal germs and microbes.”

The article goes through a host of maladies associated with the drinks, then warns, “Drinking six bottles of Pepsi or Coke at one time causes instant death.” Presumably at the hands of a Muslim polio jihadist.

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“History lessen” (Alternate chronologies)

SABRENAP

History is the study of past events and revise means to reconsider and alter something in light of further evidence. Therefore, historical revisionism can be valid, and the negative connotation the term carries is not necessarily justified. In fact, the term should be used to differentiate it from people who advocate untruths, such as holocaust deniers and Boston Marathon bombing truthers.

We can see both legitimate and unsound examples of rewriting history by considering some aspects of the slave trade. One of the images most associated with slavery in the United States is the plantation. However, most masters owned just one or two slaves. There is nothing about this that would be controversial, nor would any controversy be enough in itself to lessen the legitimacy of the fact.

Then we have the fact that there were black slave owners in the United States. And in Virginia, white indentured servants could be sold. These statements have the redeeming value of being true and bringing them up for the sake of education is fine and even encouraged if someone asserted otherwise. The misuse would come if a member of Stromfront.org wrote, “Blacks owned slaves and whites could be sold, so the races were equal under the law, and those who say otherwise are the true racists and trying to promote their Zionist agenda.”

While this hypothetical keyboard bigot would be drawing a false conclusion, he at least he began with a correct statement. It gets worse when someone uses selective facts to justify a position. An example would be, “Most slaves who were given the option of staying with their former owners after the Civil War did so. This shows that the horrors of slavery were greatly exaggerated.” This conclusion glosses over the lack of options for people who, through no fault of their own, were penny-less, uneducated, and living in a country that granted them no rights, save the ability to leave their former owners. This position would also fail to address the moral failure of buying and owning humans, confining them against their will, and abusing them with impunity. So while it would be absurd to conclude that former slaves staying with their owners proved slavery wasn’t that bad, the notion at least began with an accurate statement that was then twisted in to a pretzel of faulty logic.

Taking it even further are those who just make stuff up, such as those espousing Armenian genocide denial. Another example is Joseph Stalin having enemies erased from photos, which his minions did an amazing job of, considering what they had to work with in those pre-computer days.

But even these fabrications are related to a single event that took place over a limited number of years. There are a handful of people who take it much further and seek to erase centuries from the history books. They invent an alternate chronology that discards or rearranges elements of traditional history to form new narratives. This does not refer to reexamining evidence, considering new angles, or confronting recently unearthed information. It refers to wiping out entire swaths of history to fit an agenda, be it nationalism, religion, anti-religion, or ego.

One could consider Young Earth Creationists and Hare Krishna creationists to be alternate chronologists, albeit lazy ones who are single-minded and offer no evidence to support their position. YECs aim to reduce the amount of time life has existed on Earth by four billion years, while Krishna creationists want to extend it by that amount. In both cases, they are limited to one topic (how old Earth is and long it has been inhabited), and their rationale exists solely in their interpretation of their sacred texts. Full-blown alternate chronologists, by contrast, launch far more ambitious plans and at least try to come up with evidence for their positions.

The most prominent modern-day alternate chronologist is Anatoly Fomenko. He is something of an anti-creationist, but just as wrong as the YEC and Hare Krishna gangs. His chronology asserts that most of recorded history was written by the church in order to match Biblical events, and that genuine history only began in the 11th century.

He argues that events attributed to the civilizations of the Roman Empire, Ancient Greece, and Ancient Egypt actually occurred during the Middle Ages. Fomenko also claims historical characters are reused or conglomerates. For example, Plato, Plotinus, and Gemistus Pletho were the same person, and Ivan the Terrible is presented as a composite of four rulers. He accuses historians of reusing the same account of events in multiple times and locations. For example, Byzantine history from 300s to 800s and English history from 600s to 1000s are the same historical copy and paste. And rather than being documented accounts, tales from Mesopotamia, Greece, and Egypt are Renaissance-era fiction.

This may be the longest and most detailed conspiracy ever alleged. It involves denying major events, such as insisting there were no Tartar or Mongol invasions and conquests. The subterfuge also addresses minor issues, with ancient Greek and Roman statues actually being built during the Renaissance to provide historical cover. Fomenko is a Russian imperialist and his incentive for all this is in denying that lowly ethnicities were capable of squashing his beloved motherland.

His ideas are refuted by archaeological dating, carbon dating, and Mesopotamian astronomy records. Of course, these are dismissed as fabricated artifacts that are part of the cover-up. This cover-up would be mean that conspirators would have had to write records on clay and in cuneiform, long after this method and style of writing went extinct. Also, many of the rulers that Fomenko claims are fabricated are on coins that are still being unearthed.

The primary issue with his hypothesis is the selective pruning and mixing of dates, events, and rulers, which makes the whole idea a perpetual ad hoc exercise.

Another alternate chronologist is Heribert Illig. His phantom time hypothesis holds that the years 614-911 were fabricated so Holy Roman Emperor Otto III could be on the throne at the new millennium. This would mean no Charlemagne, no defeat of the Tang Dynasty, and no Viking raids. Ancient astronomy records, archaeological remains, and dendrochronology dating methods all refute the notion of phantom time.

Then we have Jean Hardouin, who detected a plot to forge almost all classical texts, ancient art, and coins. Hardouin deduced this through a series of clues embedded in classical works. He believed 13th Century forgers had not only manufactured the texts but a host of later references to them. The forgers’ goal was to bolster atheism by introducing elements of heathenism into Christianity.

None of these men put forth anything resembling a plausible scenario, although a drastically altered timeline could explain the skills of Stalin’s henchmen if they were using PhotoShop.

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“A Midsummer Night’s Scheme” (Shakespearean authorship)

SHAKEMASK

In a world where Johns Hopkins employs shamans with magic crystals, an obscure college questioning who wrote Othello is cause for comparatively tame concern. But there’s only so many times I can go after quack medicine, so we’ll focus on William Shakespeare’s works today.

While Concordia University in Portland hosts the Shakespeare Author Research Centre, the idea that someone other than Shakespeare penned Macbeth and Much Ado About Nothing remains a fringe idea. The arguments rest mostly on the appeals to personal incredulity and negative evidence, as well as some creative non sequiturs.

Proponents argue Shakespeare lacked the background and education to be familiar with multiple languages, legal vernacular, medical terms, maritime parlance, and even lawn bowling. This shows a lack of appreciation for the creative mind. H.G. Wells didn’t have to travel to the future or make himself invisible to write his books.

The idea of an alternative author first arose in the 19th Century as an elitist objection over the idea of a man from a working class family in a piffling rural town becoming the most revered figure in English literature. In this appeal to personal incredulity, doubters say Shakespeare lacked the aristocratic sensibility or familiarity with the royal court to pen King Lear or Richard II. But biographical information is a poor route to establish authorship. Steven King was never chased by a possessed automobile or captured by a crazed fan. Besides, revealing one’s self autobiographically only became common in the 19th Century literature.

While elitism started the movement, it gained traction in the 20th Century for the opposite reason. Shakespeare was so much part of the establishment that attributing his work to someone else was the rebellion. Whatever the incentive, the idea has been largely rejected by literary experts and academia. This is sometimes offered as further evidence of the cover-up. Concordia’s authorship centre, for instance, maintains a tab labeled, “Exposing an industry in denial.”

One name commonly suggested by believers is Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford. He was a talented writer who had the aristocratic resume proponents feel was necessary to write the plays. The most sizable obstacle is that he died in 1604, whereas Shakespearean plays continued to be churned out until 1612. This leaves Oxfordians feebly arguing that the plays had been written before he died, but Shakespeare’s latter plays referenced events that occurred after 1604.

Then we have the Shake ‘n Bake theory, the notion that Shakespeare’s works were written by Francis Bacon. The latter was an extremely accomplished man, at once a scientist, philosopher, diplomat, and writer. It’s a shame many know him primarily as one of the contrarian author candidates. The Baconian wing may have produced the field’s most amusing moment when Orville Owen devised a cipher wheel that tried to detect clues he suspected Bacon had left in the plays.

Christopher Marlowe is another of the regular nominees, quite bizarre since he was murdered in 1593. This theory posits that Marlowe faked his death by convincing his attackers to cover for him while he high-tailed it to Italy and stealthily cranked out literature’s most magnificent canon. That’s a better plot than anything Shakespeare came up with. I tell you, Occam’s Razor is just so boring.

Another idea is that the plays were written by a woman who had to keep it secret owing to sexism. Joanne Rowling was forced to adopt the moniker JK in order to sound masculine, and females fared 100 times worse in Shakespeare’s time. It was so bad that female characters were played onstage by males. This created an especially absurd spectacle when the storyline included those characters disguising themselves as the other sex. Hence, there was a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man. However, establishing that early 17th Century England was a lousy time and place to be female is much different than offering that as conclusive scholarship Hamlet was written by a downtrodden damsel.

The evidence proffered for these various ideas lies in part on similarities between the characters and events of the supposed clandestine author. Or in alleged similarities between Shakespeare’s works and the chosen candidate’s. There are also secret codes and cryptographic hints the true author sprinkled throughout the tragedies and comedies. Coming up with or embracing these ideas depend on one’s level of mental agility and desire to believe.

Evidence for Shakespearean authorship is much more mundane, but much stronger. Despite assertions he was merely a literary agent or transcriber, his contemporaries described him as a playwright. A monument at his village church identifies him as a writer and compares him to Virgil and Socrates. Also, an unpublished collaborative play, “Sir Thomas More,” was discovered in the 20th Century, with 20 percent of the script in Shakespeare’s handwriting. This included lined-out passages and inserted words, showing Shakespeare was revising the work, not just transcribing it.

Besides the quill and pen evidence, there are also modern-day proofs. Ward Elliott and Robert Valenza conducted a stylometric study that used computer programs to compare Shakespeare’s writing style to dozens of alternate candidates. They determined Shakespeare’s work to be consistent, suggesting one author, and found he used fewer relative clauses and more hyphens, feminine endings, and run-on lines than the others. Elliott and Valenza determined that none of the tested claimants could have written Romeo and Juliet or the 37 other plays.

Proponents resort to negative evidence, such as Shakespeare’s will not mentioning his shares of the Globe Theatre. They also point out that the Bard wasn’t much-traveled, but Shakespeare’s works show little interest in geography. He had nautical journeys that would be impossible and armies completing their march in an unrealistically rapid time. For Shakespeare, it was important what was happening and to whom, not where it was taking place.

Doubters also point out the plays’ deference to royalty and suggest the commoner Shakespeare would have been more sympathetic to the simple man. Yet Shakespeare’s themes, like his times, stressed the inevitability of providence and fate. Kings were designed to rule, subjects to follow. Typical was Hamlet noting that, “There’s a divinity that shapes our ends.”

Shakespeare’s genius sprouted not from pedagogical or didactic roots, but in his understanding of people. Or as Samuel Johnson more ostentatiously put it, he had the “vigilance of observation and accuracy of distinction, which books and precepts cannot confer.”

Evidence that Shakespeare wrote the plays includes his name on the title pages, testimony from contemporaries, official records, and computer analysis. These proofs exist for no other candidate. Depending on one’s viewpoint, this is overwhelming evidence for either Shakespearean authorship or a conspiracy.

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“Watch your mouth” (Fluoridation fears)

FLUORIDE

I am enough of a libertarian that I supported the Ron Paul presidential candidacy, and that was in 1988. As such, I am baffled when someone with a libertarian mindset embraces government-centered conspiracy theories. Someone who thinks the government is too incompetent to be trusted with roads or schools simultaneously touts its ability to seamlessly pull off AIDS, tornadoes, mass shooting hoaxes, and inter-galaxy travel for purposes of alien diplomacy.

Then again, there are conspiracy theories about government agents trying to kill us that are consistent with a belief in government incompetence. This is because the agents have done such a lousy job of it. Fluoridated water, chemtrails, vaccines, and aspartame are all presented as attempts to poison the people, yet the average U.S. lifespan has doubled in the century that these supposed menaces have been introduced.

Skeptics point out that government agents would be drinking the same fluoridated water and breathing the same chemtrail-tainted air as the victims. The theorist response is that the agents have been given a magic potion that renders them immune. But if this were true, everyone except the plotters would be dying off, and what good is it to be a dark overlord when there’s nobody to rule over, conspire against, torment, and sicken?

We’ll now look at some of the ways conspiracy theorists insist the government is out to get us, starting with fluoridated water. This is when fluoride is added to a public water supply with the goal of improving oral health. The Centers For Disease Control and Prevention lists fluoridated water as one of the 10 greatest health achievements of the 20th Century, as it helped reduce childhood cavities by 50 percent. The American Dental Association supported fluoridation, contradicting the conspiracy claim that doctors want to keep us sick. Although to a conspiracy theorist, that would be further proof that fluoridation DOES make us sick.

Some on the far right labeled fluoridated water a communist plot in the 1950s. Forty years later, some of the other end of the political spectrum asserted the process allowed the aluminum industry to dispose of waste by dumping it in our drinking water. In either case, it was made more frightening by pointing out that fluorine was used in nerve gas. That had nothing to do with the fluoridated water we brushed our teeth with, but it sounded the same and played on people’s ignorance of chemistry. This is a common tactic today among the anti-GMO and anti-vaccination throngs.

One legitimate concern over fluoridation did arise. In 2011, the recommended amount of fluoride in tap water was reduced from one milligram per liter to .7 milligrams per liter. The higher amount was thought to be contributing to dental fluorosis, a change in the appearance of dental enamel that occurs when teeth are forming under the gums. Dr. Joseph Mercola and other anti-fluoridation types touted this as proof that the government had been poisoning us with excess amounts of fluoride. But if this had been the case, the government would have surreptitiously added more fluoride, not announced a reduction. Anyway, fluorosis is merely a harmless discoloring and not a health concern.

Some members of the anti-fluoridation camp claim fluoride causes headaches, fatigue, fainting, arthritis, cancer, Down’s syndrome, lower IQs, cardiovascular disease, and even AIDS. It is applied to so many ailments that almost any health problem could be attributed to it.

Others took a less alarmist approach, but said we just don’t know enough about it, despite repeated studies demonstrating its safety. This is a common technique among a subset of conspiracy theorists – vaguely suggesting something may be out there and that we may not be being told the whole story. This is attractive to the subset’s members, who prefer the ideas be more ominous, mysterious, and spooky. This logic could be applied to oxygen by pointing out that everyone who consumes it eventually dies.

If fluoridation fails to prevent cavities, a patient could have them filled by the next item on our list, amalgam fillings. These are about 50 percent mercury, 25 percent silver, some copper and tin, and trace amounts of other metals. Where some people see a repaired molar, other see deadly corrosive metals invading a victim’s mouth. Hydrogen is an explosive gas and oxygen supports combustion, but drinking water won’t make one explode and catch fire, and amalgam fillings will not poison a patient.

Mercola has weighed in on this as well, calling mercury toxic, but toxicity is determined by dosage, not the element or chemical. He claims these fillings are polluting the body, causing Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, though somehow not adversely affecting the tooth or mouth. Some patients panic and remove their amalgam feelings. The FDA and ADA call this is a bad idea, which Mercola insists is further proof of a decades-long conspiracy to conceal the dangers of this “biochemical train wreck.”

So there are now mercury-free fillings. On its website, Dental Designs Vancouver employs the ad populum fallacy by pointing out some European countries have banned the fillings. It also takes delight in the EPA calling mercury a waste disposal hazard. There were 21 people killed in the Great Molasses Flood, but that doesn’t mean avoid gingerbread cookies. What matters is how a substance is employed and the amount used.

The website also trots out the “We just don’t know yet, so why take a chance” gambit. You could also get hit by a train on your way to get their mercury-free fillings, but you should base your decision on reason and science, not unfounded scenarios.

Then there is focusing on avoiding cavities in the first place. This is an excellent idea in itself, but has been highjacked by lunacy. The Infiltration of pseudomedicine into dentistry is not as pronounced as in other disciplines, but there are some instances of it. Dr. Hal Huggins cites the benefits of “balancing body chemistry” by eating the right foods and removing amalgam fillings. He claims diseases and conditions can be cured by diet alone, but that amalgam fillings disrupt this process, owing to their “negative electrical current.” Conditions that can be fixed by munching on fruit salad with amalgam-free teeth include anxiety, epilepsy, multiple sclerosis, arthritis, ulcers, and leukemia.

Enough about mammal enamel. Onto our next manufactured concern, bees dying off in dangerous numbers. Some tried to blame this on GMO corn, but this idea largely lost out to pinning it on neonicotinoid pesticides.

This panic began in 2006 when Colony Collapse Disorder caused honey bee queens to perish and hive populations to plummet. This disorder is a periodic, unexplained phenomenon in which bees abandon the hive, usually in the fall. In spite of this, bee populations aren’t declining. They have risen by 60 percent since 1960, and there are more bees today than before the 2006 collapse. Populations in North America and Europe have been stable or growing in the two decades that neonicotinoids have been used.

A paper by agricultural economists Randal Tucker and Walter Thurman explained that seasonal declines are a normal aspect of the field, so beekeepers devised a method to replenish their stock. They split a colony in two, with one half receiving a new queen ($25 online for any neophyte apiarists out there).

One misinformed concern was that the dwindling number of honeybees represented a collapsing ecosystem. However, honeybees are not a natural part of North American ecosystem, having been imported from Europe.

If bees do die off, we might have to rely on aspartame for our sweetening. And sweetpoison.com warns us this will cause both blindness and an upset stomach.

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“Collision collusion” (CERN and Tower of Babel)

ATOMSMASHERThe conflict between Christian fundamentalists and biology is well-documented. The former also has a distaste for astronomy, at least the light years problem. But I recently came across their objections to another branch of science, particle physics. Specifically, they are comparing the Large Hadron Collider with the Tower of Babel.

This began due to a misunderstanding of the Higgs boson’s unofficial name, the God Particle. The Higgs boson is the particle thought to give other particles mass, and it acquired its nickname through the frustration of Nobel-prize winning physicist Leon Lederman. He and his fellow physicists were almost certain the boson existed, but were unable to pin it down, theoretical particles being not all that easy to catch. An exacerbated Lederman took to calling it “the goddamn particle,” and the language was softened for print.

So, then, the Higgs boson has nothing to do with any god or its characteristics, but the toothpaste is already out of the theological tube, so there’s no turning back. Now let’s look at why some people think CERN and its Large Hadron Collider are tampering in the domain of the Judeo-Christian god by searching for this unholy grail.

As it so happens, CERN has not only built the world’s largest and most powerful particle collider, it is also the birthplace of the World Wide Web. And like Frankenstein and Albert Hoffman, its designers can only watch in sorrow as their creation goes bonkers. For the web has enabled any idea, no matter how detached from reality, to be promulgated and embraced. That includes some websites that promote idiosyncratic views of particle accelerators.

We’ll start with the redundant salvationandsurvival.com. This site is maintained by a woman calling herself Belle Ringer, a name so made-up sounding that it has to be genuine.

The bell-ringer writes of the LHC, “Man is trying to become like God. And we know what happens every time we try to break into that barrier that separates us from the throne room of God, right?” Having never attempted to break this deified door, I am unaware. Please enlighten.

Ringer chastises CERN for trying to decipher how matter is created, when Genesis clearly states that God did it. There they go domain-tamperin’ again. And what is with all this Scientific Method and pursuit of knowledge stuff anyway? “Just why do we need this information? Anytime man determines to explain away the sovereignty of God in creating the world by dismissing it as a simple matter of a particle giving mass to other particles, I sense the hair on the back of my neck begin to rise.”

She has completely missed the point of the LHC, which is to better understand the laws of interactions between elementary particles. Then in an evidence-free assertion, Ringer accuses the physicists of trying to open a wormhole. These are theoretical shortcuts that would allow space travelers to get somewhere much more quickly than would Buck Rogers. But according to Ringer, the purpose is to get to Heaven, inside God’s mind, or some similar verboten location. She has a warning for anyone contemplating this cosmic misdeed.

“God destroyed the Tower of Babel and scattered the peoples across the earth, causing them to lose their common language, and reducing them to strange tongues so they couldn’t understand each other and collectively conspire against him. This sure seems to mimic the Biblical story of the Tower of Babel, doesn’t it?”

Well, yes, if you completely misrepresent what LHC is about and equate today’s most brilliant particle physicists with ambitious construction workers in a myth written by Bronze Age Middle East nomads, then it’s the same. This elasticity also allows her to conclude that dark matter sought by physicists is actually the “spiritual forces of evil” that Paul wrote of.

In March of 2013, the boson was tentatively confirmed, and Ringer suggests this opened a diabolical portal. Her evidence is that since then the world has experienced “an increasing amount of evil,” which she makes no attempt to qualify or quantify.

All this is being done because, “Once again, instead of worshipping God, man thinks he can become equal to or greater than creator of the universe. Have we become as arrogant and rebellious as Nimrod building the Tower of Babel that we are about to repeat ancient history?”

Just as I was about to conclude that she was going to offer no evidence for any of this, she drops her Beelzebub bombshell: There is a sculpture of Shiva at CERN headquarters. She points out that Shiva is the Hindu god of destruction, so this proves the purpose of the LHC is to destroy Earth.

As jumping to conclusions go, this represents a world-class leap. It also contradicts everything she had written up to that point. She had presented CERN’s scientists as egomaniacal, power-crazed people hell-bent on overtaking God and controlling the world. But she closes with writing that their intent is to obliterate it. But, wait, an explanation for that is offered on another website, nowtheendbegins.com.

“The significance of the sculpture is that Shiva is shown as first destroying the world, then recreating it,” we are told. The site also quotes a Bengali hymn written in tribute to Shiva, which goes, “You, Dark One, hunter of the burning ground, may dance your eternal dance.”

The author then uses a nifty non sequitur, deducing that “Dark One” and “burning” reference Satan, even though the Bengali text he quoted predates the concept of the dark overlord.

The explanation continues: “The same science that inspired the builders of the Tower of Babel is also behind the work of the people at CERN. Men, who like Satan, said they did not need God to reach Heaven.” My attempt to corroborate this by finding a CERN scientist who had said this came up empty.

Another website making the CERN-Babel connection is Prepare For The Lamb, which warns that, “In Genesis 11, the people spoke the same language and the Lord said, ‘They are united and speak the same language, now nothing they set out to do will be impossible.’ Today, CERN created the World Wide Web, uniting people under one language again.” Using the web to rail against it, I appreciate the irony, intentional or not.

The author cautions that, like the Tower builders, CERN physicists will unleash chaos. “Dark matter can be very dangerous. Demonic spirits live in this dark matter.” He adds that Hindu writings suggest Shiva was studying the same topics as CERN, an idea he said he got by watching Ancient Aliens.

The website also says that the CERN logo makes a 666 symbol. It looks more like 9OS, and you have to ignore the letters C, E, R, and N prominently displayed in the middle. But with a lot of imagination and a little apophenia, pareidolia, and satanic trickery, you might be able to make it out. You can try it here.

Meanwhile, khouse.org employs the Appeal to Consequence to warn against attributing creation to anything other than “the skillfull handiwork of a desginer.” Doing so will prompt a “loss of hope that has caused young people to lose any sense of meaning in life.”

Finally, from a website unfamiliar with URL shorteners, endtimewatchmancommentaries.com, we have this characterization of CERN: “The evil elite are diligently trying to open portals and bring in their evil fathers, Satan and the fallen angels.”

But where would CERN and Satan be without their Luciferian Legions in California? “Hollywood includes images of the Large Hadron Collider in movies, TV, and music videos. CERN is a critical component of the New World Order and will be used to weaponize the demonic hoards.”

This sounds drastic, but it’s not really so bad since Shiva is just going to create another world anyway. Hope he thinks to include chocolate marshmallows in it.