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“Constraining cats and dogs” (Alternative veterinary)

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I have battled alternative medicine on this blog and in Facebook threads, conversations, letters to the editor, and e-mails to hospitals. While the embrace of ideas with no scientific backing or even plausibility is unfortunate (or tragic in cases like Jessica Ainscough), adults in the end have to make these decisions for themselves.

However, in many cases, they are also making those decisions for their children, which is problematic when it comes to issues like vaccine refusal. Even more revolting are those who disallow all medicine for their children, as is done by members of Followers of Christ church. This extremist sect in Idaho allows children to die from treatable conditions, protected by a statute that allows them to do precisely this.

While not tragic like treating childhood leukemia with anointing oil, there is another way stupid adult decisions impact those whose care they have been entrusted with. That’s because alternative medicine is also practiced in the veterinary field.

It comes with varying degrees of danger. Persons who perform Reiki on their cat are wasting their time and annoying the pet, but as long as genuine treatment is also employed, no harm is done. Substantially worse is the advice dispensed by veterinarian Will Falconer, who recommends jettisoning antibiotics in favor of homeopathy. He began doing this himself after treating his calico’s uterine infection with Chinese herbs, flushes, and something he concocted from rotten beef. As a doctor, Falconer should understand the post hoc reasoning fallacy and the fluctuating nature of many illnesses. Instead, he reports that the cat’s recovery was “an a-ha moment and I tossed my antibiotics in the trash.”

A wise move, says veterinarian Wendy Jensen, who cites some shortcomings in medicine – namely that it has yet to conquer all disease and death – to take a non sequitur dive into deciding we all need homeopathy. She writes, “The reason homeopathy does what scientific medicine cannot is because it doesn’t heal the body but the immortal soul, also known as the Vital Force. Illness begins at the energetic level and this is the level at which homeopathy heals.” No word on how this treatment works with rabies.

Alt-vets like these two will cite a bulldog here or a cockatoo there that showed some improvement, but anecdotes cannot alter the fact that there has never empirical evidence of homeopathy’s efficiency. Homeopaths have done nothing to increase lifespans, arrest disease, mitigate symptoms, or ensure that waiting rooms have more variety in their magazine selection. In short, they have made no verifiable contribution to the health field.

Again, if a 30-year-old person wants to treat their tuberculosis with a homeopathic potion, I strongly advise against it and will point out the invalid nature of the treatment, but in the end it’s their decision to make. However, those 30 in dog years should not be subjected to it.

Homeopathy won’t harm by itself, but could allow a serious condition to go untreated. A more direct danger comes from cupping, which the blog Skeptvet has documented  with disturbing pictures of canine and equine victims. Cupping is placing a glass or plastic container on the skin and creating a partial vacuum with heat or a suction pump. This leaves a visible bruise, which is supposed to help with preventing injury, treating afflictions, increasing blood flow, expelling toxins, moving chi, or winning gold medals.

The aforementioned blog is run by a veterinarian who fights alt-vet tactics. These techniques include the Tellington Therapeutic Touch for Turtles, a creation of its namesake, Linda Tellington. She actually uses it on all animals, I just used turtles for alliterative purposes.  

Tellington uses science terms without being scientific, such as in this sentence: “The intent of the Therapeutic Touch is to activate the function of the cells and awaken cellular intelligence and turn on the electric lights of the body.” And if your doctor dreams fizzled when you flunked anatomy and physiology, your second chance has arrived. Tellington assures us, “It is not necessary to understand anatomy to be successful in speeding up the healing of injuries or ailments.”

Her website includes a standard list of several dozen disparate ailments that the touch can cure. It covers pretty much any affliction except for the likes of blindness or the inability to walk, since it would be readily apparent the touch was doing no good against those. For her evidence of all this, Tellington cites “anecdotal evidence,” an oxymoron.

There are three reasons why anecdotes must be discounted in medical research and why double blind studies must always be the gold standard of evidence. First, “Thyme cured Grandma’s gout” and other tales are unreliable because uncontrolled observations are prone to error, misinterpretation, false conclusions, and selective memory.

Second, testimonials can be found to support every treatment ever devised, no matter if they are useless, harmful, or even fatal. If anecdotes are proof, everything works. Most important, nearly 100,000 years of trial-and-error treatments and their accompanying anecdotes left humans with no increase in quality or quantity of life. Conversely, 200 years of Germ Theory, vaccines, double blind studies, and the Scientific Method have tripled lifespans, conquered some diseases, and mitigated others.

Probably the most extreme of the alt-vets is Patricia Jordan, who authored “Mark of the Best Hidden in Plain Sight: The Case Against Vaccination.” She offers up silly phrases and the appeal to nature fallacy in an unusual mix of ideas that would be endorsed by both New Agers and Young Earthers. She writes, “True health and wellness comes from a very natural setting and from the relationship of the individual in balance with the earth and all the treasures a healthy ecosystem has to offer. Vaccines are the grafting of man and beast. They and drugs are at odds with the intelligence of the almighty design.”

With examples like these, it’s easy to see why Skeptvet said veterinarians who are using these alternative practices should stop. Failing that, they should stop abusing the professional title they use to lure unsuspecting pet owners who want their furry friend cured. “They should not present themselves as veterinarians,” she wrote, “but as homeopaths, herbalists, or whatever type of alternative practitioner fits their ideology.”

That way, veterinarians can practice their medicine and Jordan can continue doing what the sagebrush and invisible force in the sky are telling her to.

 

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“Scold Turkey” (Armenian genocide denial)

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One of th­­­e stronger arguments against conspiracy theories is the decades-long silence that would need to be maintained by the extraordinary number of people that would have to be involved in them.

To be sure, governments have perpetrated misdeeds and attempted to cover them up. But the difference between, say, the Tuskegee syphilis experiments and the moon landing is that a whistleblower exposed the former, while none of the thousands of NASA employees or o­­ther scientists have come forward to explain how a lunar hoax was perpetrated.

And whereas Watergate was blown open by two tireless reporters, thousands of birthers have dedicated eight years of what passes for their lives to proving where Obama was born and have yet to produce a birth certificate from a Nairobi hospital. Anyone genuinely interested in the truth would have been satisfied with a birth certificate from Hawaiian officials and birth announcements in Honolulu newspapers. But conspiracy theorists, by their nature, consider contrary evidence to be part of the cover-up.

But I wanted to address perhaps the only case of overwhelming evidence being denied, at least officially, by persons that would probably not be called conspiracy theorists. It centers on Turkey’s denial of the Armenian genocide perpetrated by the Ottoman Empire during and after World War I.

Many governments and academics have endorsed this idea. With national governments, the denial is usually through inaction. Where’s an Asimov robot when you need one? The governments probably won’t say it didn’t happen, they will just resist all requests to acknowledge it. Denialists in academia, meanwhile, hold a stronger position.  

Governments are reluctant to acknowledge the genocide because of Turkey’s position in the world, both literally and figuratively. Istanbul is the only city that occupies two continents and this is symbolic of Turkey’s not-quite-east, not-quite-west status that gives it an advantageous middle ground from which to operate. It sits between two vastly different regions and cultures, as one can drive from Bulgaria to Syria and hit only Turkey in between. It may be the only nation that maintains friendly ties with both Israel and Iran. Evidence for the Armenian genocide is as strong as is proof for the ones perpetrated in Rwanda, Cambodia, and Bosnia, but those other countries lack Turkey’s diplomatic power standing.

The U.S. is one of more than 150 countries that has refused to acknowledge the genocide. Even Israel, founded largely because of the Holocaust, has remained silent. This has sparked a conspiracy theory that Armenian genocide denial is fueled by Jews so the Holocaust will remain the sole focus of genocide studies and remembrances. An even smaller competing claim is that the denial is an Islamic invention, an assertion that ignores that Syria and Lebanon have recognized it.

Ironically, Armenian genocide denial IS a conspiracy that should cause theorists to drool on their keyboards. It involves powerful governments and universities working in concert do hide an atrocity and even attempting to punish those who dare expose it. But the truth is too widely known to excite conspiracy theorists, who prefer to operate outside the mainstream, so they instead dream up Israeli and Islamic angles.

As to the garden variety denial, much of it comes from Turkey’s funding of academic studies, a funding which evaporates if genocide denial is insufficiently parroted. Israeli scholar Yair Auron has explained, “The Turkish government has supported the establishment of institutes affiliated with respected universities, whose apparent purpose is to further research on Turkish history and culture but which…further denial.”

Of course, the fact that academics are being paid indirectly by Turkey to promote its position is not enough to prove the genocide. For that, one must look to history. 

Young Turks came to power in 1908 and they made it clear they wanted non-Turks out, especially if they were Christian. The genocide has a known staring point of April 24, 1915. On that day, the Turkish government ordered the arrest and execution of several hundred Armenian intellectuals. Soon after, everyday Armenians were targeted. Roving bands known as Butcher Battalions employed barbarous execution methods such as throwing children overboard or adults off cliffs. Other victims were burned alive or crucified.

The genocide had two phases. The first was the killing or enslavement of all healthy males. Next came women, children, the elderly, and the infirm being forced to walk to the Mesopotamian desert without food or water. Those denying the genocide are so pedantic that these death marches are referred to as “immigrant relocation.”

Turkey concedes that many Armenians were killed in areas controlled by the Ottoman Empire from 1915 to 1918. But they contend this was a byproduct of war, not the systematic murder of more than one million unresistant civilians and children. However, there is strong documentation to refute the Turkish denials. There is photographic evidence shot by diplomats and missionaries, as well as reports from German soldiers to their superiors.  There also exist many telegrams from Interior Minister Talaat Pasha that made clear the Turks’ genocidal intent. One read, “Kill every Armenian man, woman, and child without concern.”

Additionally, using the Great War as an excuse fails since the genocide outlasted the Armistice. Turkey ignored a 1920 treaty that created Armenia­ and occupied the nascent country, continuing extrajudicial executions until 1922.

Turkish authorities insist the responsible parties were convicted, and there is a small measure of truth to this. As early as 1915, Great Britain, France, and Russia had warned the Young Turks they would be held accountable for war crimes. When hostilities ended, the victors demanded that the Ottoman government prosecute the accused, and the resulting verdicts acknowledged the genocide and the perpetrators were sentenced to death. However, most of the guilty were granted amnesty in 1921 or were allowed to escape the country, and d­­enial has since been Turkey’s official position. The only perpetrators to be held accountable were those who were tracked down by intelligence service agents, who then tipped off vigilantes to the perpetrator’s location.

Historians Torben Jorgensen and Matthias Bjornlund have written, “Denial of the Armenian genocide is founded on a massive effort of falsification, distortion, cleansing of archives, and direct threats initiated or supported by the Turkish state.”

Normally, denial of something this heinous in the face of overwhelming documentation would be confined to YouTube channels and Illuminati hunters. But Turkey’s powerful diplomatic standing and its academic funding means Armenian genocide denial is afforded a much loftier status than it would normally attain. And it’s sadly ironic because Raphael Lemkin coined the term genocide to describe what had happened to the Armenians.

Despite the pressures, there are 30 countries that recognize Armenian genocide, including the usually neutral-at-all-costs Switzerland. A handful of those countries make denying the genocide a crime, a gesture than may be well-meaning but which  ironically uses the power of government to deny the power of government. The opposite is true in Turkey, where espousing that the genocide took place is illegal. The criminal offense is “Insulting Turkishness, ” which is an amusing term until one realizes that violating it can bring three years in prison. So those reading this in Ankara should refrain from sharing it.

 

 

 

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“Fears of a clown” (Greenville clown sightings)

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There have been reports from Greenville, S.C., in the last month about a clown attempting to lure children into the woods. Unlike claims of aliens or Elvis doing the same, this claim is believable and there have been multiple children and at least one adult who reported the incident, so there is probably some merit to the notion of clowns  (or possibly multiple harlequins) in the woods.

However, I want to address the intent of those clowns, which admittedly involves some speculation. This is different from citing the scientific implausibility of applied kinesiology or pointing out inconsistencies of 9/11 Truthers.

Clown sightings in unexpected places have happened every few years in the U.S. and Europe since the early 1980s. Most of these reports turned out to be pranks, publicity stunts, fabrications, and even one instance of a photo essay being produced. The only crime ever associated with a roving band of jesters was when a 90-year-old Paris woman had her money snatched at an ATM from two men in clown masks, who were likely wearing them for concealment.

However, third- and fourth- hand reports of clown sightings aren’t suggesting they are movie promos, photo shoots, or senior muggings. Invariably, children are the target. Criminal clowns are the latest anonymous boogeymen out to snatch grade schoolers, following the terrifying trail blazed by witches, demons, homosexuals, and Satanists.

In the most recent case, the children suspected the clowns lived in a house near a pond and trail, but a police search of the area turned up nothing suspicious, jester-related or otherwise. The most specific account came from ABC News, which interviewed a woman who said she investigated a report and saw several clowns in the woods flashing green lasers. Child abductors don’t normally work in teams or employ light tricks, so the culprits were most likely bored high schoolers who became wannabe kidnappers after enough retellings.

No one was hurt, grabbed, or even touched, which makes this incident consistent with about a half dozen similar clown stories over the last 35 years. The first U.S. report seems to have been in 1981, in Brookline, Mass. In this version, clowns used candy to attempt and lure children into a van. In nearby Boston the next day, reports of children being bothered by clowns while walking to school surfaced. Police investigations turned up nothing and this set the pattern for every abduction-by-clown report since. The trend goes as follows: A child reports being approached by a clown, parents freak, warnings are issued, media outlets stoke the fear, and law enforcement comes up empty. No child is ever harmed, no suspect ever identified.

There are solid reasons to doubt whether kidnapping is the motive of clowns spotted outside of circus tents. First, child abductors prefer to be inconspicuous and stealthy, two qualities missing in someone with enormous yellow shoes, a bright red nose, and towering orange hair. Second, none of these alleged abduction reports have been successful, nor are there any instances of genuine kidnappers acknowledging they used this method. The only murderous clown ever verified was John Wayne Gacy, and he did not perform his deeds in costume, nor was he targeting little children, though some of his victims were teens.

Some of the scary clown tales have their genesis in an older child attempting to frighten younger ones. This same ploy is sometimes done with monsters or giants, and in these instances, parents can placate the fear. But when the perpetrator is a clown, this is believable, so the parents might instead spread the fear. Details are enhanced and the danger increases as the anecdote spreads from person to person. Even if the tale has a basis in reality, it can be exaggerated in retellings, either for effect or out of panic. But for these panicked versions to be true, there would need to be a series of nefarious clowns out there, who are incompetent at abduction, yet extremely proficient at escape.

Folklorists Gillian Bennett and Paul Smith assert that the clown panic was born in an urban legend initially circulated among children, and eventually fueled by parents in a time when there was no Snopes to squelch it. Today’s pranksters likely got the idea from this legend, and while these clown clones may be out only to get their jollies, motivation becomes irrelevant when panic spreads.

Part of the reason for the fright is location. Genuine clowns are performers that need an audience and spotlight, and for a clown to be alone in the dark contradicts that. The notion of someone dressed as a clown being a danger to children is also bolstered by circus clowns often failing so miserably at their jobs. While their role is to amuse children, a majority of preschoolers are instead frightened by the exaggerated features, strange colors, and over-the-top antics.

Another factor is the change in how clowns have been portrayed in pop culture. The 1940s gave us Emmett Kelly, the 1950s featured Bozo and Clarabell, and the 1960s saw the advent of Ronald McDonald. But there was a radical shift by the early 1980s. Now,   clowns were more likely to be an animated doll pulling a boy under the bed in Poltergeist or terrifying Losers Club members in It.  Less-known joyless jesters were portrayed in Killer Klowns from Outer Space and Clownhouse. This abrupt shift in portrayal matches neatly with the reports of clowns like the one in South Carolina. So while some of these events are probably happening, they are likely the result of successful pranksters, not unsuccessful predators.

 

 

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“Worried sick” (Wind Turbine Syndrome)

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Unlike the hysteria over chemtrails or cancer-causing WiFi, we know the birthplace and time for Wind Turbine Syndrome. This syndrome refers to a variety of maladies purported to be caused by proximity to the giant twirling devices after which the sickness is named.

Technical advancements frequently cause unfounded angst about health. Microwave ovens, TV sets, and home computers were all accompanied by concern amongst  hypochondriacs and those fearful of new technology. The same was true for telephones – first landlines, then cordless, and finally cellular, all of which were going to be responsible for nonspecific yet serious conditions.

The turbine panic began when pediatrician Nina Pierpont deftly sidestepped peer review and the Scientific Method to self-publish Wind Turbine Syndrome: A Report on a Natural Experiment in 2009. Pierpont placed an advertisement seeking anyone who both lived near a wind turbine and felt sick, then interviewed the 23 persons who responded. Next, she tied it up in a nice bow of post hoc reasoning and gave her newly-discovered phenomenon a name.

There are no studies to back up Pierpont’s conclusions. Instead, 18 research reviews about wind turbines and health have concluded there is no reason to suspect they are detrimental. Also, a meta study from 2014 showed there is no association between the turbine and unpleasant symptoms.

The symptoms most cited are fatigue, headaches, anxiety, insomnia, dizziness, and irritability, all of which are experienced by those not living near wind turbines. If wind turbines did cause medical problems, one would expect to see a connection between their installation and nearby persons experiencing symptoms. This is not the case. And there is no reason to believe that symptoms have increased since the early 2000s, which is construction of turbines became commonplace.

Furthermore, China has the most wind turbines in the world and there are virtually no reported cases of the syndrome there. In fact, the syndrome is limited almost exclusively to English-speaking countries, which are the ones whose media has featured coverage of this non-event. Additionally, surveys have shown that no one who has leased their land for the turbines has reported suffering from the syndrome. The same surveys also reveal that the residences of those reporting the symptoms are no nearer wind turbines than is the general population.

There have been suggestions that the syndrome could be caused by sound pressure, but this is Tooth Fairy Science, which is when an explanation is proffered before establishing that the condition is genuine. Besides, the idea falls flat because the level of sound pressure generated by wind turbines is far too low to cause people harm. An opposite but equally mistaken claim is that exposure to sound waves below the hearing threshold may be the cause.

In truth, this syndrome is an example of the Noncebo Effect, which is when harmful symptoms result from receiving negative information about a product. For example, some medical trial volunteers who are warned of potential side effects experience those effects even though they’re being treated with a sham medication. Wind Turbine Syndrome, then, is a psychosomatic disorder generated by heightened awareness of turbines and their alleged deleterious effects. It is caused not by proximity to wind turbines, but by proximity to information about the syndrome.

 

 

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“Remote impossibility” (Remote viewing)

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The telescope is one of the great achievements of science, enabling astronomers to see objects in clear detail from millions of miles away. Meanwhile, pseudoscience has also given us the ability to see objects far away through remote viewing. Even better, no equipment is required. The tradeoff is that the clear detail is replaced with vagueness and inaccuracy.

Remote viewing is usually done by having an associate go to the sight, with a third, independent party selecting the site and providing transportation. The viewer then draws what he or she “sees,” sometimes offering commentary as well.

The CIA spent 20 million tax dollars trying to pin down this ability in Operation Stargate. The test subject most associated with this enterprise is Joseph McMoneagle, who later attempted to demonstrate his ability on a Houston TV program. For the experiment, a second person went to four locations in Houston, specifically a giant treehouse, a waterslide, a river dock, and a cement fountain.

He did score a hit on “seeing” a pedestrian bridge and something tall that was not a building. But his most specific statements, about seeing a platform with a stripe and the subject standing on an incline, matched no location. There were other misses and most of his descriptions were so vague they could apply almost anywhere. For instance, he said there was a river or something like it nearby. Houston has a river, “nearby” is subjective, and “like a river” could be a winding street, lake, or something else depending on the extent of one’s imagination.

Another “vision” revealed perpendicular lines. It would have been quite impressive if he had said there were no perpendicular lines and this bore out, since any place will feature them in some form. He reported hearing a metallic noise, which didn’t seem to match anywhere, though the sympathetic reporters shoehorned in the water slide since it was partly made of metal.  

Looking at his list, everything except that striped platform (which he missed) could apply to where I work, and that wasn’t a location he was trying to remote view. Most importantly, he never said specifically what he was seeing. Throwing out vague ideas, such as something large and round, or things that are common like grocery stores and road construction, will probably be accurate, albeit unimpressive.

Brian Dunning at Skeptoid had this to say about remote viewing: “The abilities claimed  are well within the magician’s bag of parlor tricks. Either that, or they are accomplishing a feat of true paranormal abilities, which has never been demonstrated under controlled conditions, cannot be duplicated by anyone else, and has no proposed mechanism by which it might be possible.”

One attempt at testing was done at Washington University in Missouri, buoyed by a $500,000 grant to investigate psychic abilities, with remote viewing one of the ideas investigated. James Randi recruited two teenagers who knew the tricks Dunning spoke of. From 300 applicants claiming to have psychic abilities, only the teens – Steve Shaw and Mike Edwards – passed the preliminary exam and were tested extensively. For four years, they wowed researchers by demonstrating their abilities – not as psychics, but as skeptics and illusionists. After Randi revealed this in Discover, the research stopped.

Skeptic author Michael Shermer has noted that most remote viewing drawings are not, say, of a farmhouse on a hill, but of meandering lines and curves. Claimed successes are the result of generously interpreting very vague drawings and scribbles. For instance, Stargate produced a supposed success in which the associate viewed a park’s merry-go-round, and the viewer drew a round object covered with n-shapes that could be interpreted as bars. However, other than the shape and possible bars, everything else was off. The drawing included a lightning rod and a dome, neither of which were accurate. The number of segments in the merry-go-round was wrong, as was its color, materials, background, and the bars’ direction. Despite these many misses, it was touted as one of Stargate’s great victories. The only persons who would be shown the drawing and conclude it was of a merry-go-round would be remote viewing believers, and only then when they were told it was just such an object.

 

 

 

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“Pass the salt” (Halotherapy)

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Halotherapy offers the chance to lounge in a cushy chair and wear a comfy robe while listening to soothing music, with it all taking place in ideal temperatures and conditions. I would like to report on this first hand, but the therapy takes place in a salt mine. I’m not inherently anti-salt mine, but the nearest one is much further away than my sectional, which would seem to offer the same relaxation and climate control advantages.

The reason for necessitating the salt mine is the alleged health benefits of breathing in such locales. Like most unproven therapies, the claims are all over the medical map. It is used mainly for respiratory issues, but proponents also tout its ability to slay depression, eczema, migraines, digestive issues, and dozens of other maladies.

Such inconsistency is almost always a pseudoscience giveaway. The mainstream medicine equivalent would be like a person with a herniated disc and another person with a malfunctioning gall bladder both expecting to be cured by the same podiatrist techniques. Double blind testing will, over time, show what works and what doesn’t. That’s how we know that anti-inflammatory drugs are successful against arthritis, while we have no reason to suspect arthritis would be impacted by salt mine sojourns, despite proponents making this very claim. Also unexplained is how much salt breathing is optimal or how it prompts the body to make the changes necessary to provide the alleged benefits.

It’s also a variety show amongst practitioners as to which salt is best. Some laud their salt’s purity, playing on the fallacy that pure is necessarily good. This is mistaken, as unadulterated mercury would be highly detrimental if consumed. And while probably not fatal, swallowing pure capsaicin would make one wish they were dead.

Meanwhile, others halotherapists stress the impurity of their product, highlighting the number of minerals they supplement their salt with, figuring that more has to be better.

Back to the purists, some of them insist that only Himalayan pink salt can achieve  maximum benefit because it is the most pure. The real appeal factor they’re going for, however, isn’t purity, but the idea of the salt coming from a mountain a long ways away. In Kathmandu, Himalayan salt is sold as just a seasoning, not as a cure all. And anyway, the salt actually comes from the far less exotic location of Pakistan’s Punjab region, and the mines are nearly 200 miles from the Himalayas.

Of course, mainstream medicine also features disagreements about the best treatment methods. Reasonable people can arrive at different conclusions, doctors are subject to human error, and science is forever questioning itself. But a doctor understands the mechanism behind the medicine and would know that penicillin works by interfering with the synthesis of complex molecules in bacterial cell walls. Salt therapists have no agreement on how their product would achieve any benefit.

About half of halotherapists maintain the salt is beneficial once it enters the patient’s lungs. The other half gets a little more complex, saying the caves produce negative ions that destroy bacteria. But according to Brian Dunning at Skeptoid, “An ionizer can help draw bacteria out of the air but it doesn’t hurt the bacteria. To kill bacteria, you need not negative ions, but ozone, which consists of three oxygen atoms.” And when the ozone is concentrated enough to kill bacteria, it may be deadly to the humans that house them. Thus, the only way to prove the efficiency of this treatment is to kill the patients.

Halotherapy sometimes takes place in manmade spas that employ machines which grind salt into fine particles, then dispatch it via the air. That has not caught on as much as treatment in a salt mine because persons who seek out this treatment are susceptible to the Naturalistic Fallacy.

For example, honeycolony.com greets us with a quick appeal to this fallacy on its home page. Without offering evidence for any of this, the website proclaims, “Standard iodized table salt has been chemically treated to such a degree that it no longer has any value for your body. You can find a number of natural salts, such as sea salt, at your natural food store, and Himalayan salt is considered to be the most nutrient-dense salt of all.” 

As far as I can tell, there has been only one peer-reviewed paper on halotherapy, in the journal Allergy and Asthma Proceedings. It concluded salt therapy was an unproven treatment that lacked any support from double blind studies. Because the therapy resulted not from testing or development, practitioners cannot explain what it does, what mechanism it uses, or how it should be administered.

That leaves honeycolony.com to make the hackneyed and mistaken alt-med claim about detoxification, as well as employing the appeal to tradition fallacy by chiding skeptics who ignore the eastern Europeans who “have been using salt caves as therapy for hundreds of years.” 

These Romanians, Moldovans, and Kosovars, by the way, are reporting relief from allergies, neurological disorders, rheumatism, and locomotor system dysfunctions. Honeycolony thus completes the alt-med quartet by emphasizing anonymous anecdotes over data.  

I still want to conduct my own studies. I’ve got the furniture, clothing, music, and temperature, I just need to add some salt to the equation. French fires should to the trick.

 

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“Plane nuts” (Chemtrail report)

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World Net Daily first gained prominence by being the most fervent and dogged defender of birtherism. While it has largely abandoned that pursuit, it regularly attacks ideas that have a strong scientific consensus, such as evolution, the Big Bang, and climate change. Its headlines today included, “U.S. alarm: Unprecedented demonic outpouring.”

So I am pleased to announce that this blind squirrel found an factually-accurate nut this week when it published an exclusive article that dismissed the idea of chemtrails. The article’s primary source was a peer-reviewed report the detailed the findings of atmospheric chemists and geochemists.

Predictably, this earned WND the wrath of its readers. One can envision the bug eyes and hyperventilating as they posted about the naivety of believing what the government said – a non sequitur since the report was issued by scientists, not government officials.

There were also mocking comments about peer review, science, and sheeple. Completely lacking, however, was any scientific evidence for the chemtrail position. The few posters who requested this proof were chided to do their own research, which is a euphemism for, “I’ve got nothing.”

For all the fury they displayed and certainty of their conviction, none of the believers identified which planes are involved or which chemical is being deployed. Nor could they provide a sample from an unleashed chemtrail, nor explain how the toxins would have any potency left after being spread over the thousand miles they would be if dropped from 30,000 feet. Contrasted to the near-unanimity of geochemists as to what contrails are, chemtrailers are split amongst themselves as to what the unleashed poison is doing. Suggestions include altering genes, testing war weapons, mind control, sabotaging the weather, or altering the climate. While the ideas are disparate, they are equally groundless, as none are backed by any science or evidence.

Believers have no answer when quizzed about the chemistry behind chemtrails or about how thousands of pilots would be convinced to poison the population, which includes their loved ones, and would never make any attempt to expose this. Similarly, there is no explanation for how those behind this would make themselves immune from this ubiquitous danger.

As to the article itself, WND reported that the peer-reviewed study verified that chemtrails are actually just contrails. These occur when water vapors freeze around aerosols in aircraft exhaust, causing lingering condensation. Lead researcher Steven Davis reported that, “The experts we surveyed resoundingly rejected contrail photographs and test results as evidence of a large-scale atmospheric conspiracy.”

The team interviewed 77 atmospheric chemists and geochemists, with 76 of them saying they see no evidence of a clandestine, widespread plot to unleash dangerous amounts of aluminum and barium in aerial assaults. The outlier, while not championing the idea of a political-pilot alliance to control our minds, nevertheless said there was no ready explanation for his observation of an instance of “high levels of atmospheric barium in a remote area with standard low soil barium.”

All 77 agreed that four commonly-circulated images touted as chemtrails were merely contrails, and they provided peer-reviewed citations to support their position. The survey results were published last week in Environmental Research Letters and marked the first peer-reviewed journal paper addressing chemtrails.

The researchers acknowledged this won’t change a hard core believer, who will merely consider the researchers to be shills or part of the plot. But they felt it necessary to present the science and let it stand on its merits.

A few chemtrailers have conducted experiments, but arrived at their conclusions based on faulty methods. Mick West at Metabunk reported that some chemtrailers announced they found toxins in soil and water, and that this confirmed the existence of chemtrails. Setting aside the magical thinking this entails, the samples had been placed in jars with metal lids, which contaminated the data.

This was a silly elementary mistake, but seemingly more serious attempts to uncover chemtrail residue have been made utilizing heat. If one takes rock or aluminum and keeps heating it, it will eventually melt, then in turn become a liquid, a gas, and plasma. West describes the latter as, “a cloud of individual atoms stripped of their electrons.” This is crucial because when testing for the presence of elements in this way, there is no way tell if the atoms are in metallic or mineral form.

Aluminum, barium, and strontium all occur naturally in Earth’s crust and will probably be found if tested for. However these are not found in their metallic form in nature. Aluminum needs to be extracted from rock and oxidizes, while barium and strontium both react to air.

So there is an easy answer when chemtrailers ask, “If the metallic forms of aluminum and barium do not occur in nature, why are our tests finding it?” Because the tests used for these metals do not distinguish between the metal and the mineral that contains the metal. It would be almost as mistaken as finding a buried aluminum soda can in a cornfield and using that as evidence.

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“Shark Weak” (Modern megalodons)

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There are nearly 500 species of shark, most of which are harmless to humans, with obvious exceptions such as the hammerhead and great white.

According to Ryan Haput at Skeptoid, the fossil record reveals there was a much larger and more lethal shark millions of year ago, the megalodon, which likely could have devoured multiple great whites and hammerheads at once.

As part of its race against the History Channel to the bottom of the Stupid Pit, the Discovery Channel ruined one of its few remaining gems, Shark Week, by featuring a supposed documentary on a search for a living megalodon during the 2013 season. Like This is Spinal Tap, the mockumentary was hilarious. Unlike Spinal Tap, the producers were hoping to have it taken seriously. What is not funny is a network that started out as a science ally ended up producing faux documentaries they tried to pass off as authentic. They were busted when the supposed marine biologist leading the expedition was revealed to be actor Darron Meyer. The fact that they never found a living example did not keep them from naming the program, “Megalodon: The Monster Shark Lives.”

This was allegedly a giant monster hunt but was actually just a wild goose chase. What’s sad is that a TV program whose mission was tracking down unverified creatures would be a fascinating, entertaining way of bringing zoology to the masses. But to actually succeed, the scientists and producers would need to pursue insects or maybe small reptiles in a rain forest. Meanwhile, cryptozoologists and Discovery Channel executives prefer their secretive animals to have fangs, claws, and the ability to shred humans with ease. Minor point here, but the megalodon search is not precisely a cryptozoological undertaking, since the animal once swam our oceans. Promoters are not asserting a new species, but the existence of a living fossil.

According to Haput, giant triangular fossil teeth were discovered at least as early as the 17th Century, by Danish naturalist Nicolaus Steno. These are the largest shark teeth ever, up to seven inches long. Haput wrote, “Estimating the size of the shark…is difficult because the majority of the fossils found are isolated teeth or disarticulated vertebra, but it was likely between 50 and 70 feet and weighed up to 100 metric tons.” Most exciting to the Crypto Crowd, it had a bite that would produce 10 times the force of a Great White commoner.

Based on the evidence, paleontologists conclude that the megalodon was a large predatory coastal shark that went extinct 2.6 million years ago.

In the Discovery Channel shlock fest, staged footage shows a boat being attacked, with the passengers concluding the damage is inconsistent with encountering an angry whale. The next obvious step is hyperbolic post hoc reasoning, so enter marine biologist Collin Drake, who deduces that it must be a megalodon because a giant fin was captured in a photo of a German U-boat in these same waters during World War II.

I love the concept of chasing a giant aquatic best, but want it to be done in The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms or Attack of the Giant Leeches. I don’t want it in purported science documentaries.

This one featured sonar readings, beached whales, and an enormous amount of magical thinking that tied those elements into a giant prehistoric shark. In fact, the only piece of evidence presented was a Megalodon tooth allegedly found in 10,000-year-old sediment. But paleontologists who examined the find concluded it was an example of reworking. This is where a tooth erodes out of its original encasement and is re-preserved in newer rock.

Dr. Steven Novella has said that alternative medicine uses science the way a drunk uses a lamppost – for support, not illumination. Similarly, the Discovery Channel will gladly embrace genuine science if it furthers its goals, such as establishing that a 100-foot beast swims amongst us, ready to devour surfers, seals, and maybe even a blue whale. So the Channel identifies climate change as the reason the animal has swum from the depths of the sea back to the coast. In their explanation, warming oceans have forced the super beast back to his old chomping grounds.

Near the end of the program, team members deploy a life size whale decoy and 5,000 gallons of chum. A blurry, shaky image follows, during which the monster is tagged before diving more than 6,000 feet. Drake concludes, “I believe we just encountered megalodon,” cramming his version of the Scientific Method into one sentence.

As noted earlier, the biologist was later revealed to be an actor. No coincidence there, noted oceanographer David Kerstetter. “If even one credible scientist had doubts about this, the Discovery Channel wouldn’t have had to use actors,” he said. “But there is no discussion among fisheries professionals whether Megalodon is extinct.”

Indeed, no fossils indicate a megalodon in the last 2.5 million years. Haput noted, “This date coincides with the rise of our modern composition of whale diversity, including the gigantic filter feeders like the blue whale, which were smaller in general during the time of the megalodon. This is also around the time we start seeing orca in the fossil record, suggesting that there may have been intense competition driving the megalodon to extinction or that orca evolved shortly after the extinction of the shark to fill that niche in the ecosystem.”

In her takedown of the documentary, Discover Magazine’s Christie Wilcox wrote that the Channel could actually have made a worthwhile documentary about the megalodon: “They were incredible, fascinating sharks. There’s a ton of actual science about them that is well worth a two hour special.”

When the Discovery Channel was justifiably excoriated for trying to pass fiction off as fact, executives meekly noted it included a disclaimer about events being dramatized. This would justify recreating an actual moment, but the no “Dramatized Events” umbrella is so broad as to include completely fabricated events, fake newscasts being called real, or claiming an actor is a marine biologist. In doing so, the Discovery Channel created a whopper bigger than the one they were chasing.

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“The martial plan” (No-touch attacks)

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The martial arts are a system of combat practices used for battle, competition, and fitness. The field is populated mostly by legitimate practitioners who instill their students with skill and confidence. However, martial arts’ ancient Asian roots and reverence for the past leaves it especially vulnerable to less scrupulous individuals, who claim to be passing on secret knowledge. They are willing, for a price, to pass on this blessed truth, continuing an exclusive line purportedly thousands of years old.

This truth includes the ability to kill or render an attacker unconscious without touching them, or perhaps touching them lightly. Fortunately, the ability to kill opponents with these tactics has never been demonstrated. But the ability to debilitate them has been alleged to work on many occasions. However, this almost always involves attacks from the students on the trainer. They charge him, only to be rebuffed by a swipe or jab in the air, which causes the victim to hurtle backward through the gym. It’s pretty much like Carrie without the pigs’ blood.

These demonstrations invariably fail when tested by a skeptic. Alternative martial artist Harry Cameron refused to try his invisible touch on Chicago TV news reporter Danielle Serino, saying he might unintentionally harm her since she lacked any martial arts experience. Sernio had anticipated this justification, so she brought along experienced jiu jitsu athletes, who withstood Cameron’s nonexistent blows. Cameron’s ad hoc rationale for this was that, as veteran martial artists, the jiu jitsu fighters had learned to “translate the energy.” So the technique he is selling is too dangerous to use on non-marital artists and won’t work on those who practice the arts.

In Japan, a Kiai master named Ryukerin also experienced a public failing of his technique, this time with a bloody twist. While Cameron only attempted to fell a noncombatant, Ryukerin claimed his technique would work during a fight, and he offered $5,000 to any modern Mixed Martial Arts athlete who could beat him. One fighter accepted the challenge and turned Ryukein into five and half feet of welts and bruises.

There are places on the human body that are vulnerable to injury and pain, and legitimate martial artists utilize attacks of these pressure points. But their bogus counterparts claim the ability to launch a disabling attack by manipulating qi. These alternative marital artists borrow that concept, and the accompanying notion of meridians, from alternative medicine. They claim their no-touch attacks disrupt the victim’s life force. However, qi has no discernible properties and those who claim they can detect it are unable to do so under controlled conditions. Qi has never been shown to exist, much less be available for manipulation in order to bag a judo trophy.

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“Cups and robbers” (Cupping)

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Cupping involves heating the air inside a glass cup, inverting it, and placing it on a body part, usually the back or stomach. This creates a vacuum, which binds the cup to the body and sucks the skin upward for about 10 minutes.

Practitioners claim there are various benefits. Some of these are impossibly vague or even nonexistent, and include unblocking chi, restoring health, or improving circulation. There are also claims it can activate the lymphatic system or clear the colon. But if your lymphatic system and colon are misfiring, you need much more than a rudimentary sucking device and a chanting shaman in superfluous beads who burns incense and plays Ancient Future CDs.

Other supposed benefits are the ability to cure depression, arthritis, influenza, migraines, infertility, insomnia, herpes, cramps, asthma, and cellulite cancer. There is no research to support any of this, but there is strong evidence that cupping causes pain, excessive fluid accumulation, and purple skin from ruptured blood vessels.

Forms of cupping were used by ancient peoples in China, North America, Assyria, Greece, and Egypt, and this history is usually touted by its practitioners. Of course, where and when a technique was used is unrelated to its efficiency, and there is no science that supports cupping’s claims, which contradict our knowledge of anatomy and physiology, as well as of Germ Theory.

Those who favor the Chinese version usually combine cupping with acupuncture and place the cup on supposed meridian points, whose locations vary by practitioner. Another tactic is to use cupping in conjunction with a massage, the latter of which can speed muscle healing and reduce tissue inflammation. By conflating the massage with cupping, the benefit can be given to the wrong technique. When coupled with an implied ancient wisdom, this can convince some patients that it works.

This alternative medicine itself has an alternative, wet cupping, in which the skin is punctured before the cup is emplaced. The negative pressure then draws out blood, so this procedure is little more than bloodletting that incorporates a heat source. The goal is to suck toxins from the body, though practitioners never specify what toxins are extracted, nor do they explain how low pressure would cause sweat glands to secrete toxins instead of sweat. In fact, the only way this technique will work is if it’s used on poison dart frogs.