Recent posts have dealt with reptilian overlords and other beings from outer space, so today’s entry will be Earthbound. We will examine a pair of distinctive ideas about our planet: Geocentrism and the assertion that Earth is hollow.

Geocentrists think the sun, planets, and stars revolve around Earth. For many centuries, this was a manifestation of man’s arrogance in thinking he was the center of the universe. The incentive of today’s believers is reconciling the universe with their interpretation of the Bible. To the best of my knowledge, the only adherents are a tiny subset of Catholics and a few ultraorthodox Jews. Their reasoning centers around verses such as Psalms 104:5, which credits God with laying the foundation of an Earth that will never be moved. This idea had enough persons with enough resources that a geocentrism conference was held in 2010. Besides shaky science, the seminar also claimed geocentrism was being silenced by a conspiracy of secularists, scientists, and academic elites.

These folks say Earth remains stationary, while all heavenly bodies rotate around our planet. But even at warp speed, Neptune would be unable to complete a rotation of Earth in 24 hours. And that’s just Neptune, not the stellar bodies millions of light years away. Faced with this established science, some modern day geoncentrists adopt a position they call compromise and which I call idiotic. They claim the sun revolves around Earth, but that the other Solar System planets revolve around the sun. Also, stars other than the sun remain static. Since the Bible is silent on the movement of other planets and of stars other than the sun, they can still cram this idea into their preconceived notion, as long as Earth is motionless.

We’ll look now at some of the dozens of truths denied by geocentrists. While Copernicus and Galileo explained how it works, unquestioned proof of heliocentrism did not arrive until 1725. That year, James Bradley discovered stellar aberration, the perceived yearly change in the positions of stars. Further proof was provided by physicist Leon Foucault, who suspended a weight from a lengthy wire and let it swing. A pen at the bottom of the weight drew a line in a circle of wet sand. After an hour, another line intersected with the first line at an 11-degree angle, consistent with a rotating Earth. Then we have the Coriolis Effect, which causes hurricanes to rotate in different directions depending on what hemispheres they are in. Keeping with natural disasters, a major earthquake changes the rotation of Earth, which would be impossible if Earth didn’t have a rotation to change. Geocentrists retort by insisting earthquakes are caused by the change in rotations of other heavenly bodies. Silly ad hoc hypothesis like these are the result of arriving at a conclusions first, then seeking evidence that fits. This case is even more egregious since claimants present no evidence, just assertions.

Whether our planet is spinning is of no concern to advocates of a hollow Earth. Their only focus is on the critters that dwell within. There are two main schools of thought: One a conspiracy theory, the other a belief in New Age blissful harmony. Neither camp allows for the existence of moderate Middle Earth creatures. They are entirely malevolent or benevolent, depending on which idea one subscribes to.

In the conspiracy theory, Earth’s middle is accessed at the poles by Bildebergers, Bohemian Grove members, reptilians, Atlantians, or Buddhist and Hindu monks that have attained a higher level. Theorists offer little reason as to why these beings are there, leaving it to be inferred that the middle serves as a sanctuary and a place to plot world domination. It is sometimes suggested UFOs park there when stopping by for an intergalactic visit, or that Inuit ancestors are the original inhabitants. There is also talk that Nazi leaders made their escape there, a much more interesting location than South America.

There exists no explanation for what is holding us up if our planet is without a mantle, solid inner core, or liquid outer core. And the lack of sunlight for those trapped inside is also never addressed. Also, there are several photos of the poles, none of them showing an entrance.

One advocate gave his life to the cause. Eschewing medical care, Raymond Bernard keeled over from pneumonia while searching for a mystery tunnel to the underworld that a Tibetan lama told him was at Argentina’s southern tip.

The most prominent proponent today is Diane Robbins, who claims to receive telepathic messages from High Priest Adama. Adama resides in Telos, a Golden City beneath Mt. Shasta, close to where Robbins lives. How fortunate that the subterranean telepathic creatures reside precisely where someone who can detect them lives. Another lucky break for Robbins and her minions is that the inner Earth inhabitants speak English.

Robbins also communicates with dolphins and trees, and sells products so others can acquire these skills. These include BioLumina, which Robbins touts as offering “the highest vibrational spirulina you can buy.” Indeed, I checked around and could find no product with more vibrating spirals.

The High Priest describes an area of unimaginable bliss: No violence or even friction; immunity to illness, injury, and death; a pristine paradise of mountains, flowing streams, perpetually producing gardens, and unending ideal weather. This standard utopia is updated for the modern day with hologram libraries and “Real Reality” helmets that eclipse their virtual brethren, allowing one to see what is going on anywhere at any time. These fully enlightened, immortal beings have conquered war, famine, and disease by harnessing powers unknown to us, specifically galactic energies and crystalline technology. Ideas this grandiose appeal to those dissatisfied with their life and who are not just searching for spirituality, but hell-bent on finding it.

Robbins dutifully jots these marvelous messages that will someday bring paradise to Earth, then sells them to others. These mighty secrets haven’t worked yet, Adama says, because an insufficient number of people have put them into practice. Therefore, the key to eternal Earthly bliss, says Diane Robbins, is to buy products from Diane Robbins.

In her FAQ, the only question Robbins gives a comprehensible answer to is, “Do you hold book siginings (sic)?” I’m guessing she meant “signings”; perhaps siginings is a Telosian dialect. One message from Adama was, “We await the great day when we will be able to show ourselves to you.” Robbins previously said she expected to see Telosians in 2012. That either didn’t materialize or they showed themselves only to Robbins. Adama explained what it’s like when these ideas are put into practice.

As relayed by Robbins, the High Priest assures us, “As you think of us, you will feel a heightened sense of being as our energy cascades into you. It is a physical sensation that is unmistakable. Move into it, for it is us making contact with you. You will experience heightened sensitivity and divine bliss. We wait for your call.” It seems these creatures have mastered every technology except the telephone.