Airplanes are sometimes associated with danger, but seldom involving Nazi reptilians hoisting chemical weapons and enslaving victims. But Denver International Airport is the locale from which the Illuminati will unleash a genocide, which will in turn usher in the New World Order. Talk about a flight delay.

These ideas can be traced to Alex Christian, who is sometimes thought to be a dead man, but this is doubly erroneous. Christian is, in fact, a living woman who now shuns publicity since agents of an undetermined species want her killed.

Combining apophenia, pareidolia, and ample spare time, Christian noticed some supposed anomalies in the Denver airport’s design. These included underground tunnels, which were originally used for an automated luggage system. With the tunnels no longer serving this function, their obvious purpose is to house a slave labor force. Outside these gulags, barbed wire around the airport keeps hostages in, as opposed to keeping terrorists out. If viewed from the air, the runways vaguely suggest a swastika, if one ignores its disconnected nature and an extra appendage. The viewer also has to discount some of the runways, including the largest one.

The airport made news for reasons unrelated to a dystopian descent in 2007, when 14 aircraft had their windshields shatter. The windshields were struck by debris that was driven by cold, rapid winds. Believers considered this explanation to be a cover for the real reason, electromagnetic pulses. However, an electromagnetic pulse would only affect electronics, not glass.

So maybe there haven’t been any nuclear detonations at DIA. Nevertheless, a planned mass extinction awaits. The Illuminati were thoughtful enough to detail their plans for this airport-based global genocide on two large murals in the terminals. One mural depicts a Nazi-like soldier with dead women and children scattered around him and Third World populations succumbing. However, elite species are protected from the apocalypse in sealed containers, and the Mayan symbol for 2012 is stamped all over it. The second mural is an opposite vision, one of bliss and tranquilly. Artist Leo Tanguma insists the murals reflect Mankind journeying from destruction to peace, a statement he presumably made while having a laser gun pointed at him.

On the floor near the murals is written “Au Ag”, a reference to gold and silver, but this happens to also be the chemical abbreviation for Australia Antigen, the toxin Illuminati henchmen will gas us with. Also sprinkled throughout the airport is a language believers long suspected to be from an alien species, but which was revealed to be Navajo. This either negates the alien language claim or bolsters the idea that the Navajo emigrated from Pluto.

A time capsule at the airport is complete with a braille translation. According to some chat room sleuths, this is a keypad to access the secret subterranean slavery service. Additionally, a capstone in the airport serves as a beacon for a mothership, and the plotters also acknowledge their Freemason collaborators by installing their symbols around the airport.

Indeed, for an all-powerful conglomerate, these architects of calamity are rather myopic and thickheaded. They announced their plans, albeit in code speak, in the open at the world’s 19^th busiest airport. Believers say this is done to mock and taunt us about our impending doom. But even this would fail to explain why they built their bunker under a plain, as opposed to going a little ways west and taking advantage of the Rocky Mountains, to construct what Jesse Ventura called a sanctuary to survive the 2012 Mayan apocalypse.

Jared Maher of the Denver alternative weekly Westword spoke with Jay Weidner, one of the most prominent of the Denver International Airport conspiracy theory proponents. Like Ventura, he interpreted the murals to be portending the 2012 Mayan-prophesied collapse that would result in worldwide martial law.

One does not become a conspiracy theorist darling or prophet by letting a missed apocalypse throw you off your sleuthy stride. “There’s some profound shift that’s about to happen,” Weidner now says. “And for those of us who are prescient, aware, and conscious, we can feel there’s something going on here.”

This line of thinking offers a sense of control and comfort, as well as self-congratulations for being so observant. It is also tantalizing to think that something sinister is always on the horizon, about to happen, and since it never quite arrives, the emotion can be maintained indefinitely.

Still, Weidner has a ways to go before matching David Icke, who is often placed in the middle of Venn Diagrams of Irrational Thought since his worldview incorporates conspiracies, the paranormal, pseudoscience, alternative medicine, religion, and UFOs. Icke wrote, “Denver is scheduled to be the Western headquarters of the U.S. New World Order during a martial law take over.” He cites an unnamed eyewitness who reports that DIA houses “human slaves, many of them children, under control of the reptilians.”

Conversely, Len Horowitz insists that there are no prisoner children with lizard-like overseers. This is because Horowitz considers them a decoy to deflect from the real story: New Nazi Party Members are working with petroleum and pharmaceutical executives to poison the planet. For evidence, Horowitz points to a rainbow on the second mural, which he says is symbolism for the toxins that will sprayed on the duped masses. Icke and Horowitz, by the way, are part of each other’s conspiracy narrative in a humanoid reptile vs. reincarnated Nazi feud. It’s sort of like a 1950s black-and-white movie, except it’s in color, it’s in real life, and the subjects are even less believable.