When I started this blog, I knew I would address Bigfoot, Nostradamus, mediums, ghosts, and astrologers. I figured it would be a nice little hobby that would eventually run out of topics. But I was unaware then of how widespread this lunacy is. I’m continually exposed to new topics, much of it in alternative medicine.

Just this week I learned about Bradley Nelson, who peddles products called the Body Code and the Emotion Code. I went to his website and was greeted by Joe, a live person who wanted to exchange messages with me. He asked my name. Wayne seemed not near California or alternative medicine enough, so I reversed my name. There we go, Enyaw, quite the New Age moniker. Our chat went like this:

“What is the difference between the Body Code and the Emotion Code?’

“That is an often asked question, Enyaw. While the emotion code is a healing method which identifies and releases trapped emotions that cause both emotional and physical health issues, the body code utilizes six fundamental areas of imbalance and dysfunction that are blocking the healing process. Understanding these together will help you feel better.”

“What is a fundamental area of imbalance and dysfunction?”

“Hmm. It sounds like perhaps you have not seen the Body Code in action yet. It might be easiest for you to watch a video at this link and see what we’re talking about. Would that be helpful for you, Enyaw?”

“Sure, I will check those out a little later. What does it mean by blocking the healing process? What is the healing process and what is blocking it?”

“Those are good, advanced questions. You’d probably be best served by speaking to one of our Wellness Advisors. Could I please have your full name, phone number, and the best time for one of our Wellness Advisors to answer your questions, Enyaw?”

My next, unasked question was, “Why are you using these terms and promising they will improve my health if you don’t know what they are or how they work?”

I have found that even the most rudimentary question or slightest challenge to alternative medicine claims, terms, and methods will throw their advocates off. People come to them desperate for answers or healing. They might ask, “What will this do it for me?,” but not “How will this do it for me?” The clinicians are unprepared for even a basic probe of their tactics.

By throwing out terms that sound technical, complex, and medical, the clinician aims to impress the patients, or at least silence them into acquiescence. It’s the adage, “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.” And it’s an effective strategy, as evidenced by the clinicians being perplexed when the bullshit is thrown back in their face.

The website describes the Body Code as “a new breakthrough in natural healing.” If it’s natural, there’s no need to buy the product since it will just happen anyway. We are promised that putting the techniques into practice “will bring health, wealth, and meaningful relationships.” My health is OK, but I don’t really have time to develop meaningful relationships outside of my family. Maybe if this wealth thing works out, I can quit my job and build those relationships. So let’s check out more of the site.

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to wake up feeling powerful and youthful, with total clarity, passion and excitement about your life?” Sure, but waking up takes me about 60 seconds, so I’m more interested in having those attributes during other 23 hours and 59 minutes.

The site notes that “We are aging every day.” After promises as grandiose as those we’ve seen so far, I thought maybe they were going to offer to reverse the aging process. Alas, this introduction was only to segue into the frequent alternative medicine trick of insisting the purchase needs to be made immediately. If that’s insufficient incentive, they add, “There are people in your life who need your help now!” I had been feeling OK, but a sense of guilt just came over me, I better purchase the Emotional Body package to fix it.

Nelson says his focus is on finding and removing imbalances in the body. “I believe that the symptoms that you are having are because of imbalances that are going on in your body. If we can find those imbalances and fix them, perhaps your symptoms will go away.” Translation: Abracadabra. Removing imbalance is a pseudoscientific notion with no medical legitimacy. No explanation is offered about what is imbalanced, why it is, or how it’s fixed. We are only told it is a panacea that leads to this: “The Body Code has been designed and created for YOU, so you can live the life you want, with ultimate health, wealth and happiness.”

Along with removing imbalances, Nelson assures us he will unblock emotional and prosperity blocks and unlock your subconsciousness, which he says is 90-95 percent of the mind. Here’s what the patients get out of it: “Removing these imbalances makes it possible for the body to return to a state of perfect balance and health. The result is a disappearance of pain, fatigue, disease, depression and all manner of other symptoms! The Body Code truly is The Ultimate Health, Wealth and Happiness Solution! You’ll be able to instantly unlock an infinite well of knowledge. Feel happier, relieve stress, form and nurture better relationships, increase your wealth, and even live longer.”

Since he has ascribed unlimited benefits to his products, any seeming fortune will be attributed to them. Indeed, patients on the site bought into this Magical Thinking and credited Nelson with everything from stopping knee pain to saving their marriage to curing infertility. Once the unconscious mind is untapped, Nelson assures, patients can ask it yes-or-no questions, and the mind will let you know what is wrong with your mental or physical health. It’s a Magic 8 Ball for the body and soul.

As to the physical body, Nelson writes that there is a literal energy surrounding the heart which screws with our emotions. This idea upends anatomy, physiology, physics, and neurology in one sentence.

The website describes the products as so amazing that it is altruistic to use them. For the person will be so transformed that it will rub off on those around them. In that case, I’ll pass on buying them since their infectious nature ensures their benefits will eventually reach me.